Hello! This episode is a fun one. At least it was fun for me to think about.
I want you to know that right now, it's storming outside my window, so if you hear a sudden gush of wind or a crash, it's just the wind outside. I know a few of my clients are experiencing much worse weather right now in their part of the world, so I'm not complaining. We've needed a bit of rain in California since it's been super dry here.
Okay, back to business.
In my world this week, it's been quite interesting. Not exactly what I wanted to experience, but I made it what I wanted it to be based on how I thought. Saturday my dog Frankie got skunked in the backyard. Seriously, this skunk ran up to him! Frankie, being super friendly, ran up, and the skunk attacked with his stinkiness. Poor Frankie. I spent most of my day cleaning him, cleaning everything he touched during the day to keep the skunk smell out, and refocussing on the essential things I'd planned for the day namely clients calls.
Then Sunday, my mom's car got stolen. So I spent more of my day than I'd planned to, calling the police, driving out to look for the car, talking to the police, filing an insurance claim, and also comforting my mom.
Fortunately, I'm practiced at glass half full thinking, and so is my mom. So even though it wasn't fun, and she was quite attached to that car, we started looking forward to buying a new vehicle.
What does this have to do with this podcast?
I tell you this because no matter what happens during your week, you can refocus your attention to what you want. We can choose to think that circumstances derail us from our plans, or we can choose to think that it's not a problem and that the most important things will get done.
I wanted to do a podcast that showed what the most successful thought models were when it came to creating this sense of “It's not a problem.” They're Models that I've used and Models that my most successful clients have used to create the any result they wanted.
I've talked about the Model a lot in this podcast, but to give you an overview it's the way the world is organized. It's a simplified version of what happens when we think a single thought about what's happening in the world.
Something happens in the world, and we have a thought about it. The thought generates a feeling in our body. That feeling then drives the actions that we take in the world. Our actions then create the result that we see in our life.
When I work with my coaching clients, I use this tool to show them the impact that their thoughts have on what they're creating in their life.
Just seeing this can dissolve a lot of the stress and overwhelm we feel. But I wanted to show you how our brains are working when we have different thoughts about our Circumstances.
All the overwhelm, procrastination, any time management issues, they can all be placed in the Model, and we begin to deconstruct their old beliefs to make room for new Models that serve them better. Those models help them understand that their thoughts are creating the feelings of overwhelm.
That they're procrastinating because they're having a thoughts that's generating a feeling that drives them to procrastinate and not get the result they want.
I thought it would be helpful today to talk to you about the Models that I see my most successful clients have when they're working towards achieving their goals – their results.
These are Models that you'll want to study to begin making progress in your own life towards your goals.
They take practice.
Lawyers have the tendency to want to see the end result in their hot little hands right away.
We're in a hurry.
As we go through these Models that Get Results, you'll see themes that come up over and over again: feeling committed, feeling compassionate towards yourself, feeling accomplishment now.
You may hear me refer to the C line or the R line in this podcast, so let me break it down for you.
C line = Circumstances
T line = Thought
F line = Feeling
A line = Actions
R line = Results
And if you need help with this, sign up for my Procrastination Masterclass that breaks down the Model for you visually and goes into it more in depth. You can download that video at www.dinacataldo.com/masterclass
When I speak to lawyers in strategy sessions, the feedback I get is that they've heard this concept before – it's not new – the model was something Brooke Castillo created to condense and simplify what philosophers and psychologists and storytellers have been talking about for years in more abstract ways.
Once you really get the Model, you'll begin to see it everywhere in your life.
So what are the most successful client Models I see?
Generally speaking, they are future focussed. They're continually refocusing their mind on what they want rather than what they have.
It's not in a graspy urgent way. It's in a way that is certain that they will achieve what they want most. That it's inevitable. That no matter what the perceived setback, they will create what they want whether that's to organize their practice to make room for more clients, or it's to tackle a project that they've been putting off, or it's to feel less overwhelmed, they know they're going to get what they want no matter what is happening externally or what their brain is thinking right now.
One example of this is with this model:
C = The result YOU want
T = What you think about the result you want
F = What that T creates
A = What actions you take fueled by that F
R = The result you get
C = The result YOU want
T = Successful clients think thoughts like, “I can do this.” “I can figure anything out.”
F = The feeling generated by these thoughts are usually feelings like commitment, certainty, solid, grounded. They feel in their bones that this is happening, and they can figure it out.
A = From this F they take actions like: journaling daily to understand their thoughts and shape them consciously, when they hit something that feels hard they take a beat – remember that they can do this – then they take action to do that hard thing anyway, they show up for their coaching calls, they stay open to feeling all the feelings that show up no matter how awful they feel, they process those feelings, they show up for themselves consistently, they take responsibility for their emotions and their results.
R = They figure out how to create their result
Do you see how this works? Each element of the Model feeds into the next. We don't take the most productive and best feeling actions when we feel urgent and graspy or when we feel anxious and stressed out. Those emotions are what creates the actions of working slowly, procrastinating, sometimes they lead to anger and snapping at those around us for what seems like no reason. Those feelings are all created by thoughts you have about something happening in the world around you.
Here's another one:
Imagine this, you have a goal, you've committed to it, you've been working on your thoughts, and you give into an urge to do the opposite of what you know you should be doing.
Sound familiar? It does to me. I do it all the time.
You can make a choice about what you make this mean, and my my successful clients who get the results they want have a Model they work from that looks something like this:
C = Client gives into urge
T = The T they have about it is something like, “That's okay,” or “It'll get done.” Maybe it's something like, “It doesn't mean anything about me.”
F= The F they generate is compassion. Compassion for themselves. We don't think of compassion being a super productive thought, but it is. It helps us move through failure faster than other people who don't have compassion for themselves.
A = The actions this feeling fuel are a lot like the actions in the first Model we worked through. They also have an increased tendency to have loving conversations with themselves. When they allow themselves to love themselves through the failure, that's when the magic happens. That's when they find themselves moving through the tough spots with more ease and grace. Clients come to me hating on themselves and the results they've gotten so far in their practice and in the life. Part of the work is learning to love on themselves and loving the results in their life no matter what.
R = Their result gets accomplished.
Another common problem clients come to me with is that they have this thought that they should have been more successful by now – whatever success means to them.
My most successful clients work from this model:
C = Haven't done it. Whatever it is they want to have done.
T = They have a thought like, “It doesn't mean anything about me,” or “That's okay, I can figure anything out.” My favorite right now it, “It doesn't have to take a long time, but I'm in it for as long as it takes.” These kinds of thoughts dissolve the pressure we create when we have thoughts like, “I should have done it by now.”
F = Ease/Compassion
A = same as above
R = I figure out how to create the result I want.
Here's a model that my procrastinators work from to get the results they want. You're in good company because I struggled with procrastination for a long time, and now when I see it show up in my life, it's not a problem. I get things done. It's because I work from this model.
C = Don't feel like doing X
T = Instead of making it mean that I shouldn't do it now or that I'm bad for not doing X now, I remember the thought, “This is normal.” “Of course I don't feel like doing X.” Plan on NOT wanting to do X when you put it on your calendar.
F = Discomfort.
A = Feel the urge NOT to do X. Feel the urge to check social media, check email, watch Netflix, eat something, learn something, listen to a podcast. Just feel the restlessness. Then begin to think about why you wanted to do X in the first place. What's your big why for doing what you're doing? You can move into one of the first models we talk about. I like to think something like, “OK, let's do this.” or “I can do this.”
R = I feel like doing X for my long term goals.
These are a few of the most powerful models you can work from to create the result you want.
We have a tendency to think that there's a quick fix for our problems. That hearing it once is going to be enough to unravel decades of old thoughts about who you are and what you're capable of.
If that were the case, coaching would not exist as a profession.
When I hired my first coach, I had no clue why I wasn't creating what I was creating. I didn't have this Model, and I thought it was going to be like therapy. Not so much.
When I understood that my primal brain was naturally wired for survival and that it created blind spots, so I wouldn't change my behaviors or feel my feelings like we talked about in this episode, that was a HUGE reason why I became a coach. I knew people needed this, and I knew I could help them understand their brain to make it easier for them to achieve what they wanted with more ease.
If you want help on your journey, I'm here for you.
I hope you have a wonderful week, and I'll talk to you soon.