#369: Best of: Values Alignment

Read this episode: Are You Living Your Values or Just Talking About Them?

If you'd asked me years ago what my values were, I would've rattled off a list without much thought.

But when I looked at how I was actually living—how I was spending my time, where my energy was going—it told a completely different story.

That's what today's article is about.

Values aren't just words we say we believe in. They're how we show up in our day-to-day life. When our actions don't align with the values we think we hold, something feels off. That's a sign that we're living out of integrity with ourselves.

This was inspired by a conversation I had with a client who wanted to do a reset. She wanted to reconnect with what matters most and realign how she was showing up in her practice and her life.

So if you're feeling that tug—that it's time to take a closer look at how you're living and working—this article is for you.

What Are Values, Really?

A value is something we hold dear to us. It's part of an image of who we are and what we want to project to the world. It's made up of thoughts we have about ourselves, others, and ourselves in relation to the world.

Most of us think we know what our values are, but if we look closely, many of our actions prove otherwise.

For instance, if you value family but spend most of your time at the office, skip date nights, miss time with your kids, and constantly check emails while home, there's some work to be done to align your actions with that particular value.

Or if you say you value financial security but you're discounting rates, not sending bills timely, or not consciously tracking where your money goes each month, your actions aren't completely aligned with that value either.

The Key Question: Do You Want This Value or Think You Should?

Here's something important to consider: Do you value something because you genuinely want to embody it, or because you think you should have that value?

For example, your parents might have valued having a prestigious career or cared deeply about what other people thought. But do you want to adopt those values because you think you should based on what your parents taught you, or because you genuinely want them?

Ask yourself if you like your reasons for each value you hold. Then you can decide if you want to keep it.

How to Discover Your Actual Values

A great way to determine what your values currently are is to observe where you're spending your time, your money, and your emotional energy.

Here's a simple exercise: Pull out a piece of paper and write down the top 10 values you think you have. Then go through each one and find evidence that supports that this is actually a value for you.

Let me share my own list as I was doing this work:

My Current Values (in no particular order):

• Freedom
• Love (including for myself, other people, the planet)
• Honesty (with others and myself)
• Financial security
• Physical wellbeing
• Mental wellbeing (peace within myself, meditation, organized home)
• Personal evolution (spirituality, coaching, business growth)
• Service (being useful in the world)
• Pleasure

And when I got really honest with myself, I also recognized I value comfort – my Netflix evenings, bread and sugar, scrolling Instagram to veg out, YouTube binges.

Now, this doesn't mean any of those things are bad. But I had to ask myself: Is this in alignment with my other higher values? The answer was often no.

That doesn't mean I cut out Netflix entirely or stop eating all bread and sugar. It means I watch myself, observe, and ask if I truly want to be having this experience, or if I want to say no because it's not aligned with the life experience I want.

There may be days I choose Netflix because I want comfort, but maybe it's two hours instead of four. Or maybe I recognize when it moves from pleasurable to just numbing out.

Personal evolution is uncomfortable. So do I want to value comfort more than personal evolution? No. Do I want to choose four hours of vegging out, or do I want to create more balance and maybe go outside, meditate, or read instead?

Values Can Change – And That's Beautiful

You'll notice that some of your values might have changed over time, and that's something to celebrate.

It used to be that I valued hard work over everything else – to the detriment of everything else. I also valued other people's opinions over my own. I used to value self-reliance, which prevented me from seeking the help I needed to get aligned with the values I wanted to have.

I like the direction my values have gone and how my actions have become more aligned with who I want to be in this world.

When Values Conflict

You'll also notice that while many of your actions align with your stated values, they're not 100% aligned – and that's okay. That just means there's a conflicting value to examine.

For instance, if you value freedom but don't feel free in some areas of your life, there's something worth looking at more closely.

I was talking to a lawyer recently who said she valued freedom, and the only time she felt it was when she was in school with a schedule determined by other people. That's because all she had to do was follow someone else's plan – which is actually the opposite of freedom.

She said thinking about making her own calendar felt less free, but that was untrue. She really just had unexplored thoughts about herself in relation to making decisions for her own life.

I know many lawyers tell themselves a calendar feels like it boxes them in, but calendars can't box people in. Only we can do that to ourselves by not giving ourselves time to do what we want and need to live in alignment with our values.

Putting Your Values in Order

Once you've identified your values, ask yourself: What do you want your values to be? Put them in order of importance and sit with that order. Is it really true that you want them in that sequence?

I initially thought freedom was my highest value, but when I questioned that, I realized I actually value personal evolution more. If personal evolution meant taking another job to pay for something that would contribute to my growth, even if it took something away from my freedom, I would do it.

The Practice of Alignment

This isn't about perfection – it's about getting to know yourself better.

Don't use this exercise as a way to beat yourself up because you're not acting in perfect alignment with your highest values. Perfection doesn't exist, and aiming for it will hurt your ability to embody the values you want.

Love yourself completely as you are and on the path you're currently on. Take this as an opportunity for self-discovery instead of self-criticism.

The path becomes easier when you accept what is and begin moving with complete love and compassion for yourself in the direction you want to go.

Moving Forward

Here's what I want you to do this week:

1. Observe without judgment – Simply notice how you're behaving in the world
2. Look for evidence – Where are your actions aligned with your stated values? Where aren't they?
3. Ask better questions – When you notice misalignment, get curious about what's happening instead of being critical
4. Make small shifts – Choose one area where you can start aligning your actions more closely with what you value most

Focus on how far you've come to be where you are today instead of thinking about the distance between here and where you want to be.

Values aren't about having the “right” answer – they're about understanding yourself deeply enough to live with intention and integrity.

When you start aligning your daily actions with what you truly value, everything begins to shift. Your practice feels more purposeful, your relationships deepen, and you show up as the person you actually want to be in the world.

💖

Dina