#288: Conscious Consistency with Cathy Council, Master Coach

Conscious Consistency with Cathy Council

Dina Cataldo (00:01:10):
Hello. I hope you are having a beautiful day today 'cause I have got a treat for you. I have brought on my dear friend Cathy council and we had a fabulous conversation. So for some background about Cathy, we met during Master Coach certification and we hit it off right away because we are both very organized, we're very driven, high achiever mode. We wanna get things done. We're very no nonsense. And something I didn't really go into in this conversation that I tease Cathy about every so often is that she's a native New Yorker and I'm a native Californian. And so one of the things she told me is that, Hey, I didn't think I was gonna like you 'cause you're Californian. And like I just, I just couldn't picture myself, you know, us getting along. And so usually I tease her about this, but I didn't get a chance to do it in this episode.

Dina Cataldo (00:02:07):
That's, so that's why I'm doing it in the intro 'cause I know she's gonna hear this. And we also got to spend some time together in Argentina where our small group of I, I wanted to say lawyers, but no, I'm not hanging out with lawyers exclusively. But we have this small group of group of coaches that were getting certified as master coaches. We got to meet in Argentina because one of the people in our cohort lives in Argentina. And we had to spend a week together just having amazing experiences, talking business and doing it in one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. So we have really gotten to know each other. And this conversation that we have here was inspired by a talk that we had just a week ago. And I thought, what a better person than Cathy to have this conversation about consistency that I really wanted to talk about.

Dina Cataldo (00:03:09):
She is focused and committed to the work that she does and I thought she was just the perfect person to bring on the podcast so that we could have this conversation for your ears. Because this episode is for anyone who has ever told themselves that they can't follow through, that they just can't be consistent and it is going to inspire you to take action. We actually talk very specifically about what consistency is, what consistency is not, and how to think about follow through. And I really enjoyed her take on what follow through meant and how to think about follow through because it's really important to hear the words that she said and I really want you to pay attention to it because lacking follow through is one of the things that I hear as the biggest objection to taking action. And what she said just pop like blew my mind.

Dina Cataldo (00:04:05):
It was a beautiful way, a very simple way to look at it. And we talk about so much more. So our conversation is really gonna inspire you in any area of your life where you have a goal that you wanna achieve. I'm gonna tell you all about Cathy at the top of our interview. So let's just jump in. Alright, I'll see you on the other side. Hello everybody. I have a very special treat for you today. So I have my friend and master coach Cathy council here, and she, if you're on the YouTube video watching this, she's so lovely. Like she's got her red lipstick, she's got some pizazz going. So I highly recommend you check out the YouTube video or go to the show notes too, see us in all our glory. But this episode is really going to cover probably a lot of topics 'cause she and I were having a conversation not too long ago and one of the topics that came up was consistency.

Dina Cataldo (00:05:04):
So I wanna focus this episode around consistency, but we're just gonna have fun and you're gonna hear what master coaches talk about and you're gonna hear about mindset and you're gonna maybe hear a little bit about business. I don't know, we'll find out. So with that in mind, I just wanna share that Cathy is an amazing coach. She has coached my brain many times and she is, I, I mean she's a master certified life and weight loss mindset coach. So she really handles everything that your mind throws at you around health, <laugh> around fitness. And one of the big things is consistency. So with that, I am going to send this over to Cathy to pick up where I left off, to share a little bit more about who she helps and who she talks to.

Cathy Council (00:05:58):
Yes, thank you Dina. First of all, thank you so much for inviting me on and that great introduction. I'm really looking forward to our conversation today. So everyone, I'm Cathy council and as Dina said, I work with women who want to look good naked. It is really a combination of not only wanting to be a certain size, it's nothing like that, but it's how they feel good in and out of their clothes. So it's really about how you wanna look. And more often than not, we spend a lot of time talking about how to be consistent. So you know how you have women who want to lose weight, they wanna look a certain way, so they start doing all the things, going to the gym, changing all their food, and then they just quit, right? And they just stop. Well, what I do is I help those women learn how to stay consistent so that they don't quit. That they actually reach their fitness and body goals and have the life that they want. Whether that is to look a certain way, to feel a certain way in their body, in their skin, to have health conditions, you know, clear up that aren't necessary. We help them stay consistent until they reach those body goals. So that's what I do. I primarily work with women, although I've coached some men here and there. Along the same topic. But really it's about helping women feel confident and comfortable in their skin.

Dina Cataldo (00:07:37):
Mm. Yeah. And I am going to link to everything Cathy, in the show notes, so make sure you go there. She's on Instagram. She's got a website where you can book a consult if you're interested in working with her. Is there anywhere else that you are that you wanna make sure that I'm

Cathy Council (00:07:53):
Oh, Facebook as well.

Dina Cataldo (00:07:54):
Facebook. Got it.

Cathy Council (00:07:55):
Yeah. Okay. I'm on Instagram and Facebook.

Dina Cataldo (00:07:57):
Awesome. So one of the reasons why I really wanted to have this conversation with you specifically is 'cause when we were talking I saw so many parallels between the women you're working with and the, the lawyers that I work with. Because there are so many fears around consistency and not being consistent. And you were just explaining how, you know, a lot of women are like, let me try all of the things and do it all at once and flip my life upside down. And then they quit and they beat themselves up and then they just stop. And I see that with lawyers and using a calendar, I see that with implementing new systems in their practices. And the support of a coach is so helpful with that in either context. 'cause You wanna stop because you think it's just not working. But what's really happening is you just don't have the support or the tools that you need to be consistent. And so that's why this conversation with you, I thought was gonna be great to put this in a new context for people and to maybe talk to the people who have like a big goal coming up. You know, 'cause 2024 is coming up. Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:09:10):
Who

Dina Cataldo (00:09:10):
Wants to feel good naked? So like that, that's really what excited me about this.

Cathy Council (00:09:16):
Yes, And I agree a hundred percent because you know, I work with my clients on targeting consistency towards their body goals. But personally and professionally, I use the same consistency to achieve my professional goals to work on my own self. It's like once you learn and unlock the way to be consistent in your mind, then you're able to apply it. Whether it's as a lawyer who wants to manage their calendar or manage their cases, whatever the case may be, you can apply this same way of being consistent. And I know we were talking about, you know, what consistency is and people often have like this very rigid thought in their head of what is being consistent, who can be consistent, and how you have to be consistent. And I spent a lot of time like demystifying that. Like it's not what you do every single day, even though that is a form of consistency, that is not the only way to look at consistency, nor the only way to create consistency.

Dina Cataldo (00:10:28):
Oh my god. And

Cathy Council (00:10:29):
I love what you said. Yeah. Oh,

Dina Cataldo (00:10:31):
Go ahead. I was just gonna say, you're reading my mind because this is like exactly the direction I wanna go into.

Cathy Council (00:10:35):
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I love what you said, you know, about like packing it in your calendar. 'cause It's like, I think I need to do all the things every single day in order to be consistent. And very often that's like the farthest from the truth because that doesn't actually send you into a way of being where you actually become consistent. What it does is force you into a way of leaning into willpower, which a lot of people confuse with being consistent.

Dina Cataldo (00:11:09):
Yes. Like, okay, this is the question I want to ask you. Sure. Because I wanna define consistency, but first let's define what it is not. And you just said one of the things consistency is not, it's not willpower.

Cathy Council (00:11:26):
Yes. Yes. That's a, that's the number one thing. It is not, and that is what most people think that it is. But consistency is not willpower. And willpower will not make you consistent. You will lean into willpower. You're taking the energy and the strength of your will to make yourself do something. That's not what willpower, that's not what consistency is. And willpower is like a battery. It's it, it runs out. Right? So when you're at the top of the battery, it feels like you can do all the things. This is like most people starting their workout plan, right? They're motivated, their battery is charged everything, they're ready to go. And so they'll lean into willpower, start to get that thing going. But as that battery drains, it gets harder and harder. And the way that they treat themselves and talk to themselves through that gets harder and harder. I must do this. You know, I'm, I forced to do this, I have to do it. It sounds very, very pushy. 'cause You're putting as much power behind trying to get it. And that actually won't create consistency because when it runs out, it's out, everything stops and it's like, I just can't do it anymore. Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:12:54):
<Affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:12:54):
And you truly can't because what you were doing was using your will to get it done instead of what consistency is. Right. Like having the right things in place so that consistency shows up.

Dina Cataldo (00:13:12):
Yes. Okay. That I wanna talk more about that. 'cause It is, consistency is about supporting yourself and creating an environment that allows you to do the things you want to do. I didn't understand that for a really long time, but another thing I wanted to touch on that it is not, it's not perfect, it's not perfectionism. And I get a lot of lawyers who tell me, well, I didn't do it right and therefore I can't do it. And then they quit because they're in that perfectionist mindset, which I have been there, but can you talk more about that?

Cathy Council (00:13:47):
Yes. And I love that you brought that up because again, for, for the people that I work with, it would be like, I didn't work out every day. I didn't eat, you know, a salad for lunch every day. Right? It's like the every day this perfect, it never skipping, never slipping. Right? Is is what gets them thinking they are not consistent or they can't be consistent. And it's because they have like a very narrow definition of what it is. And as soon as they sort of slip out of that definition, it's like, well, it wasn't perfect. I didn't do it the right way. So I'm not consistent. But that's not actually how consistency work. Perfect. Is not part of consistency. Right? It's what something that we as humans try to impose on like ourselves to be perfect. Right? We, we have streaks and there's, I love to talk about consistency, streaks, but what people don't realize is that streaks have a beginning and an end, otherwise they wouldn't be a streak. So the fact that you did it 12 weeks in a row, you did it 10 days in a row and then you skipped a day, doesn't mean that you're not consistent. It just means that streak is over.

Dina Cataldo (00:15:09):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:15:09):
The opportunity for something else to begin is available.

Dina Cataldo (00:15:15):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:15:16):
So letting go of the perfection and loosening and broadening your definition of consistency will allow you to see the many ways that you are creating consistency in the things that you're doing or not doing.

Dina Cataldo (00:15:34):
I think one of the things that really benefited me when I let go of perfectionism when it came to my calendar, when it came to doing things in my business, is just allowing myself to be imperfect. So I didn't do anything on my, everything on my calendar that day. That's okay. It doesn't mean I'm not gonna do it tomorrow. It just means that today maybe I needed a nap or maybe I needed to take care of, you know, a personal matter or maybe I, you know, was working on another project that took longer than I anticipated. I don't make any of those things mean that I'm not capable of doing it tomorrow <laugh>. Right?

Cathy Council (00:16:17):
Right.

Dina Cataldo (00:16:17):
That I should just give up this whole calendar thing or just give up this whole working out thing because I didn't do it today. I stopped judging myself for being imperfect and just said, oh, okay. I just did it and then, or I didn't do it and it wasn't a big deal. And letting go of that perfectionism allowed me to go again tomorrow and to improve. Because the big benefit of consistency that I see, and you might see others too, right? Are the compound effects that we get from just showing up no matter how imperfectly. 'cause If I did my calendar this week and I didn't show up perfectly, and I let that mean that I'm never gonna be able to do it. I won't be able to learn lessons from this week so I can improve the next week. Yes. And I think

Cathy Council (00:17:04):
That's

Dina Cataldo (00:17:05):
Where people get mixed up.

Cathy Council (00:17:07):
Yes. No, I a hundred percent agree. And I was just thinking about how you said, oh, if I didn't do my calendar perfect this week, then I might not be able to show up next week. And what I see with the people I coach is, oh, I messed up today. I might as well skip this week. 'cause Now this week is not perfect and I should start next week and try to get the perfect week then.

Dina Cataldo (00:17:30):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:17:30):
And they lose their consistency, their opportunity to be consistent immediately looking for a perfect week or a perfect streak. And you're right, it's in that moment when you are in the moment, you don't weigh the whole week over the one moment, okay, this moment I didn't do my workout or I didn't make my calendar meeting the way that I thought I would, there's the opportunity to resume in the very next calendar meeting at the very next meal, at the very next opportunity. But the perfection is when you think, oh, I've messed up. So now the rest of it is no good. I have to start over.

Dina Cataldo (00:18:22):
Yeah. And that's like, I can see that all like, even with myself. Like I used to do that with what I would eat. Right? So if I had, I don't, I don't do this anymore. Not not potato chips now it's like organic chips, <laugh>, these were like the really bad chips. But I would have chips and then I would feel really bad about myself and then I'd be like, oh, forget it. I'll start again next week with the new eating routine because I I blew it this week kind of thing. Yeah. Versus just being like, okay, so I had some chips like, okay, and then you move on and then you have a salad for dinner. You know what I mean? Yes. It's just like, okay, I just make a different decision next time. It's not the end of the world. It doesn't mean that I'm a bad person or that I can't resume this week. It's just so what? It doesn't make a big difference. And I, I love something that you, you say it's on your website and you say it all the time. It's like you work out, eat cookies, feel great, look good naked, get fit for life. And it's the eat cookies that always gets

Cathy Council (00:19:24):
You. Yes.

Dina Cataldo (00:19:25):
It's like you are allowed to make decisions for yourself that are pleasurable while you are going after your goals. And that actually helps you be more consistent. Can you tell me more about that?

Cathy Council (00:19:38):
Yes. I, first of all, yes, I'm a firm believer of workout, eat cookies look good naked. You can do both. And I intentionally put that in there and I put it on all of my posts and everywhere I'm saying it all the time because the very first thing people think is they like, I gotta suck all the joy out of my life. Like, I can't just eat cookies just because they taste good. You know, I, I'm only going to eat healthy or or only workout. And, and I'm like, no, you can still eat cookies, but it's about the decisions that you're making around the eating of the cookies. Right? So all of my clients, we, we work through, for me it's cookies, which is why, that's why I say eat cookies, but for some people it's cake or chips or, you know, whatever their thing is. But if they're eating it because they don't want to feel sad or they're stressed out, they're not even appreciating that thing. When I sit down with cookies, it's a cookie experience. It's

Dina Cataldo (00:20:48):
Love

Cathy Council (00:20:49):
<Laugh>. Yes. It's love for the cookie. It's not because someone upset me and now I'm trying to like cover that up and treat myself with cookies. Yeah.

Dina Cataldo (00:21:02):
My

Cathy Council (00:21:02):
Cookies are intentional for the intention of cookies. And this is sometimes a hard concept for people to get like Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> they're like, so you actually intended to Absolutely. It's a decision. And I even can make that practice with it because once I'm allowed it and I never feel deprived, it's never not available to me, which conversely means I don't always have to have it. 'cause I know it's always there.

Dina Cataldo (00:21:33):
Right. Like when you have to have it, then there's no decision making. Yeah. So when I I experienced this alcohol, like I noticed that I, you know, years ago I was just like, I would drink all the time. I'd have a lot of alcohol and I wasn't furthering my business along. And so I recognized that was an obstacle that I had because, you know, I, I would feel tired the next day and I would notice that I didn't feel good. I thought, why am I doing this? And then I started, you know, getting into coaching and understanding how the mind works. And then I understood, oh, what's happening is I'm avoiding a feeling, so I'm not making a conscious decision when I go out to have a glass, my body actually thinks I need to have a glass because I'm having a feeling that it's not enjoying whether it's anxiety or I'm, whatever it is, there's something happening there that I'm not allowing myself to have awareness around and have a conscious relationship with. So I'm, yes,

Cathy Council (00:22:37):
I'm

Dina Cataldo (00:22:37):
Denying a relationship with myself in favor of the glass of wine that my brain says, no, you need to have that. Right? Yes. Same thing

Cathy Council (00:22:44):
With

Dina Cataldo (00:22:45):
User chips. And a lot of times with my clients, it's work, right? So instead of doing what they want to be doing, they work, right? Yes. So if they might have a, an appointment with themselves to go to the gym or to have dinner with the family and then they work instead because the work is their wine, it's their chips, it's their cooking.

Cathy Council (00:23:07):
Yes.

Dina Cataldo (00:23:08):
Right. They can

Cathy Council (00:23:09):
Go into that. Exactly. Yeah. I can see that as well. And actually work is one of the things that come up with my clients a lot. Like, I just need to put more time in my business. I don't get up for lunch because, you know, I could be working time is money or you know, like all of these things where they're neglecting their health Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>

Cathy Council (00:23:32):
In favor of their business. And, and we spend a lot of time like unraveling that, like how you could be healthier and therefore reap more benefits in your business, but it's hard to unravel it when you're like nose down, always look, you know, never separating the two and eating becomes an afterthought. So sometimes some of my clients, it's not about eating overeating too much, it's about undereating because they're actually not even listening to their body when the hunger cues show up and they're ignoring it in favor of being more into their business, more into their jobs and focusing on that because that's more familiar, it's more predictable, it's more comfortable even if it's not more pleasurable, even if it's not always healthier for them.

Dina Cataldo (00:24:31):
Yeah. You know, as you're talking, I'm thinking about my plans for 2024 and they're kind of scary to me, right? Like my brain literally thinks, oh, these plans that you have are like jumping off of a cliff without a parachute. Like, and, and I had to remind myself, no, the only thing that's going on is a feeling in my body right now because I'm thinking about all of the thoughts in my head anticipating how I'm gonna feel anticipating, you know, all of the things. And that's kind of what people don't understand is that our mind is creating what's happening in our body and those feelings in our body are then propelling us to do things. Whether it's to eat the cookies unconsciously, the chips unconsciously to drink, to work. Like we're doing all of these things unconsciously, we're disconnected from ourselves and then we can't create a supportive environment for us to create consistency and to change our lives.

Dina Cataldo (00:25:38):
And without that supportive environment, like I was actually creating the supportive environment for myself in my journal today. I was like, well, what do I need? And I said, I need to make some non-negotiables and my non-negotiables are going to be my walk in the morning. It's going to be working out three days a week. It's going to be meal planning at least three days a week. But meal planning, it's going to be me and my spiritual practices. Like these are some like non-negotiable friend time, family time. And I am always going to make sure I prioritize my health. So if I need to go to a doctor's appointment, that gets prioritized. I'm prioritizing my family's health. If they need to go to a doctor's appointment, that gets prioritized. So as long as I can create that support and tell my brain, look, these things are taken care of. Now you can do these scary things and be kind to yourself. That's another non-negotiable is how I talk to myself. And we can talk more about that because that was a big one. That support that I create for myself is what is going to allow me to be consistent even when I don't want to do things.

Cathy Council (00:26:54):
Yes. What

Dina Cataldo (00:26:55):
Are you gonna say?

Cathy Council (00:26:56):
Yes. I'm gonna say the equivalent of your non-negotiables are what I tell my clients are their minimum baseline.

Dina Cataldo (00:27:03):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:27:04):
It's like at a minimum these things will get done. And here's the thing I really emphasize for them. What is the minimum baseline? Because amazingly our minds always wants to plan at the maximum. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:27:20):
And I bring them back to the minimum. So whether that's I'm going to drink water right, or I'm going to go to bed at a certain time and if I don't go to bed at that certain time, I know I'm gonna grace myself an hour. And that is it. It's like really defining in a way that is easy for you to take the next step of actually honoring those decisions. And that's why I emphasize like minimum baseline because sometimes we, we can put things as we need to get these things done, but we make it our maximum effort versus what is going to be easy. Almost like it's harder to talk yourself out of doing it than it is to just do it. So work towards creating, you know, a minimum baseline or your non-negotiables and these are the things that I say are the things that you can then allow to happen unconsciously because you've created them as just a part of who you are. Right. It's, no one has to tell me at this point, you know, for myself, I fast all morning.

Dina Cataldo (00:28:39):
Mm-Hmm.

Cathy Council (00:28:39):
<Affirmative>, right. We're into the afternoon now and I haven't eaten yet and I'm perfectly fine.

Dina Cataldo (00:28:44):
Yeah. Right.

Cathy Council (00:28:45):
But for me that fast is, is unconscious now. Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:28:49):
<Affirmative>

Cathy Council (00:28:49):
It's part of my minimum baseline, but that's not where I started. I started with, you know, a much smaller, you know, well breakfast will be this, I'll be very focused on breakfast if I have to eat right. And you just make it very easy for yourself. Sometimes I'm just having people drink just four more ounces of water. It's like a little kid's cup that's like those little dixie cups that I don't even know if they even make them anymore. But it's like two sips more so that your brain is like, oh well we can do that.

Dina Cataldo (00:29:27):
Yeah. It won't

Cathy Council (00:29:28):
Even fight you on it.

Dina Cataldo (00:29:29):
You know, it's so funny, like as you're saying that, it reminds me of what a lot of my clients will do. Sometimes this is the benefit of having someone who to watch your brain is so that you can see these things. But a lot of times my clients will be like, okay, I'm gonna do my calendar on Monday morning at 8:00 AM and I said, okay, well let's check in and see like, are there gonna be obstacles? You know? You know. Yeah. What might they be? Because if you just pick a day on your own, you'll for sure have obstacles and you didn't think about them <laugh>, right? Yes.

Dina Cataldo (00:30:05):
So they'll pick a day like, oh, I'm gonna do my calendar on Monday at 8:00 AM but their habit has been to sit at their desk at 8:00 AM and jump straight into email and then go down the rabbit hole and not look up until noon. And so when they sit down on Monday, they haven't created a habit that is that they can fight against the urge to check the email. 'cause The habit is I just check the email and that's how I survive my week is by checking my email on Monday mornings. So we go through like, is Monday at a am really a great time for you to check your email? Why, why not?

Cathy Council (00:30:41):
Yes.

Dina Cataldo (00:30:41):
And they may not see the pattern. 'cause If they don't, if they see it a Monday morning, they show up to work, it's eight o'clock. They don't do their calendar. They think, well shoot, I can't do my calendar now 'cause the day's gone, there's no point. I'll do it next week. Right. Or they do it on Monday morning and it's great, but then they say, well I'm not gonna do it Monday mornings anymore. I think I'm gonna do it Friday afternoons. And then they, they keep trying to do Friday afternoon week after week after week. And you're like, wait a minute. Like, look, it doesn't work on Friday after, ask yourself why, oh, I'm exhausted. I don't wanna think about work at 4:00 PM Yeah. It's like, okay, well then let's go back to what worked.

Cathy Council (00:31:21):
Yeah. Go back to what worked. And like, like you said, if you already have a habit in place at that time, it's like, know that you're doing two things at once. Mm-Hmm. You're no longer just trying to create a habit of doing your calendar at Monday at eight. You're also at the same time trying to break a habit of checking the email as soon as you get in Monday at eight. So making it easier for yourself is, can I look at my, can I do maybe 7 45? Can I do it on Sunday? Like, is there another time where I don't already have a habit in place that I can just start with this?

Dina Cataldo (00:32:02):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:32:03):
So it's really about making it work for you. And I think about that when it comes to exercise. I have so many people like, well I don't like getting up early. I was like, I don't either. I am not the 5:00 AM crew. I'm, you're never gonna see me set the alarm that early. Why? Because it's instant sabotage of yourself to make it so challenging that you're first challenging, in my case, the alarm clock to get up at that time that I won't even get to the step of actually getting dressed and going because I'm still trying to adapt to this new habit of waking up early. Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>. So it's much better for me when I was doing my work at my workouts at seven o'clock in the evening. I'm up, I'm done, I'm ready to go. Like that was my energy time.

Dina Cataldo (00:32:51):
Yeah. And

Cathy Council (00:32:51):
I, it's like finding what works for you. And a lot of people are surprised. They're like, wait, I can, I can do that. Yeah, you can do that what

Dina Cataldo (00:33:00):
You can. Yeah. There's, there's no rules. Like there's literally no rules. You can do whatever you want. Right. <laugh> like, I love the question. I'm always asking like, how can I make this easier? What will make this easier? Yes. Because the less resistance you have, the easier it will become to be consistent

Cathy Council (00:33:19):
And Exactly.

Dina Cataldo (00:33:20):
Is there anything else around this particular part of our conversation that you wanna add? Anything?

Cathy Council (00:33:26):
I think the only thing I wanna make sure I touch on is that I talked about what consistency isn't. We talked about what it is and I wanna talk about what it is in a very broad sense. This is the definition that I give all of my clients. And consistency is what you do more often than not. Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. And sometimes that requires you to look at a day, a week, a month in order to see it. Right. We talked about having that perfect week, but when people just look at that one week, they may miss that they've been consistent for six months. That this is, that this little blip doesn't make a big difference in their big picture. Consistency is big picture. Yes. It happens in the day to day, but it also happens in the week to week, month to month, year to year. And everyone can be consistent. Everyone is consistent and

Dina Cataldo (00:34:30):
Can be everybody. Listen,

Cathy Council (00:34:31):
Consistency.

Dina Cataldo (00:34:31):
Everybody listen to this. Everybody is consistent. Yeah. Everybody's inconsistent. Can you explain that?

Cathy Council (00:34:39):
Yeah. Because we all have things that we do consistently. And I explain this even in the most basic thing of getting up in the morning and brushing our teeth. We weren't born brushing our teeth, we didn't even have teeth. We learned it. It became a part of who we are and we are just consistent with it. So that same thing, that same process, you are able to be consistent. The fact that you get up every morning to check your email on Monday morning at 8:00 AM it is you being consistent with that particular habit. What I teach is how to become consistent with the things that you want to create instead of having it just be your brain's unconscious desire to be efficient and move things into the habit brain. Yeah. You have to consciously choose what you wanna be consistent about. And that's what we're teaching what we work on with my clients.

Dina Cataldo (00:35:53):
Yes. And I also wanna just use another phrase, 'cause I hear this a lot is, oh, I can't, I can't follow through. Yeah. I'm just, I'm so bad at following through. Follow through is the same thing as consistency, right? You follow through all the time, but what are you following through on? Are you

Cathy Council (00:36:15):
Deciding

Dina Cataldo (00:36:15):
Those things consciously?

Cathy Council (00:36:17):
Yes. I teach my clients a formula to be consistent. Of which part of it is follow through. Because often you can start by just saying, I'm gonna get up every morning and work out. That's the the decision you've made, right? You've declared it, you've made it, and then the morning comes, well, that's when follow through starts. Follow through has nothing to do at that moment when you decide follow through comes when it's time to act.

Dina Cataldo (00:36:45):
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:36:46):
And it's like, what are you doing? And thinking in that moment, how are you thinking and feeling so that you actually take the action follow through is about the action.

Dina Cataldo (00:36:59):
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:37:00):
And so some people struggle with making decisions because they already know they're not gonna follow through. And some people make decisions, but they don't even consider what it would take for them to follow through.

Dina Cataldo (00:37:12):
Okay. So when they get to, lemme pause you on the first part again and again, because some people when you say some people have decided not to follow through, right? Like they already, the way you said it is some people know they're not going to follow through. Can you explain that more?

Cathy Council (00:37:30):
Yes. So they, so there are some people, sometimes when they make a decision, they know that they will follow through on it. So they can be reluctant to make decisions in advance of the follow through. That has to come

Dina Cataldo (00:37:51):
Tell me why.

Cathy Council (00:37:53):
And that is because that is for them their commitment point. Once I've decided I'm committed to it and whatever is in their way, whatever fear, whatever, you know, hesitation, whatever thoughts they have to resolve that at the commitment point.

Dina Cataldo (00:38:18):
Hmm. Tell me the commitment point. Tell me more about that.

Cathy Council (00:38:21):
The commitment point is where you and you get your brain on board with doing what you said you'll do.

Dina Cataldo (00:38:31):
Yeah. Oh, I love how you're breaking this down. I love it because I think this is, this is something that a lot of lawyers are scared about is they want to change something in their practice. They wanna feel more organized, they want to feel more calm, more in control of their practice. But then there's that, I'm afraid I won't follow through, but what you are saying is that some people have decided not to follow through because if they at this commitment point with themselves finally commit to making change that they're in, they're like, yes, I'm gonna make change now. It's gonna be different. Then they're gonna have follow through. Yeah. And, and then all of the emotions are gonna come up and then they don't know how to deal with them. They don't know what to do with

Cathy Council (00:39:19):
‘Em. Right? Yes. Exactly. Yeah.

Dina Cataldo (00:39:22):
And

Cathy Council (00:39:22):
That's where a lot of the coaching that I do takes place. Right? Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative> because we have past experiences where we, we, we've said we were gonna do stuff and then we didn't do it, and now we feel bad. Right? We've beat ourselves up about it. So sometimes it's unlearning that practice, right. Of what happens when you don't do the thing that you said you would do. It's like we don't have to beat ourselves up. We get to look at why it didn't happen.

Dina Cataldo (00:39:51):
Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>

Cathy Council (00:39:51):
And address the root cause of it.

Dina Cataldo (00:39:54):
Yeah. You know, I think I'm gonna talk, I'm gonna switch gears just a little bit and talk about business for a second. But like on this point of fear of not following through, it's really not a matter of following through. It's a matter of are you willing to get the support you need? Like are you willing to feel the feelings and get the tools you need to support you in your goals? Like,

Cathy Council (00:40:23):
Yes. And I think that's part of follow through. Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:40:25):
<Affirmative>. Because

Cathy Council (00:40:27):
Here's, here's what it is. You've made the decision, you've made the decision in your business that you, you know, you wanna start, I don't know, a new way of working and you need to get support, but people think I've made the decision and now the follow through is responsible for the whole goal. Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:40:49):
<Affirmative> the

Cathy Council (00:40:50):
Follow through is responsible for that particular decision. So what support do I need to get this one thing done? And that's tools, right? Whether you know that if you're more accountable when you tell someone, then that's the support you need. You tell someone we, if you know that you're more inclined to follow through, like do the thing that you said you would do. If you plan ahead and look, you know, walk through it, then that's the support you give yourself or the tools that you put in place. Whether it's a calendar is another great tool. If I put it on my calendar, I'm, I'm more than likely gonna get it done. For some people that really work, but they tend to think follow through is just the action when it is actually the thoughts and the feelings that allow you to take that action. Yeah. All of that has to take place.

Dina Cataldo (00:41:53):
Yeah. I mean you just put it so beautifully and I think that that conversation like it, you know, I wanna talk to, if you're listening to this right now, I wanna talk to you because there are things that might be coming up for you where you're just, you, your brain is saying, I'm afraid I won't follow through. I hear this so much. And what Cathy's saying is that the follow through is not responsible for the whole goal. Follow through is not what helps you achieve results, right? Like that is not what the only thing that is going to help you achieve results. Like you actually, that's part of the action taking, that's part of you then taking action. We've gotta clear up your mindset, we've gotta clear up your brain, we've gotta help you, you know, understand and allow emotions versus numbing them out so that you can follow through. There's a whole process that happens before you even get to the follow through. Is that what you're saying, Cathy?

Cathy Council (00:42:47):
Yes, exactly.

Dina Cataldo (00:42:49):
Okay.

Cathy Council (00:42:49):
Exactly.

Dina Cataldo (00:42:50):
Yeah. 'cause I, I am, I'm really glad we're having this conversation because that's something that I bump up against when lawyers tell me they're, they're fearful they won't be able to follow through and that's just like a, a great way to explain what's happening.

Cathy Council (00:43:06):
Yeah, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Because now you can look at, okay, we are fearful you won't be able to follow through and you know, I love to ask why

Dina Cataldo (00:43:18):
Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>,

Cathy Council (00:43:19):
Right? Because more than likely they're thinking of potential outcome because this might happen because then this, you know, I, I'll be seen this way, right? Instead of thinking about what would create the environment for you to follow through, even if you think I might not be able to follow through, then that's cluing you in that how can I support myself so that I do, but most people take it towards because something bad will happen or there's something I don't want to deal with on the other side.

Dina Cataldo (00:43:56):
Mm-Hmm. <affirmative>. Yeah. It's interesting 'cause when I was thinking about this in terms of my goals, I was doing that subconsciously. Yeah. I wasn't breaking it down like you are right now, but I was skipping ahead. I mean 'cause you know, we've, we've been coached so much <laugh>, we've coached so much, we already see the problems that happen pretty quickly in our brain. And so I anticipated, okay, I just, I need to create a supportive environment so that I will follow through. But I didn't articulate it like that. It was just, I know I need a supportive environment. What is that gonna look like? But that's really the end of that sentence is I'm creating a supportive environment for myself to achieve my goals so that I follow through on the actions I put on my calendar.

Cathy Council (00:44:40):
Yes. Yes.

Dina Cataldo (00:44:42):
Yeah. Okay. I want to talk to you about, like, we already talked a little bit about why we both have seen why it's so difficult for people to be consistent, but I wanted to touch on two topics that really came to mind for me, which is fear of failure and how we talk to ourselves.

Cathy Council (00:45:05):
Yeah. So

Dina Cataldo (00:45:05):
I'm curious what your thoughts are in terms of why it's so difficult for us to be consistent.

Cathy Council (00:45:12):
Yeah. So again, <laugh>, so it's a perfect transition because I feel like fear failure and how we talk to ourselves come, really comes into play at that commitment point and at follow through, right? So when we have a fear of failure that can often stop us from even starting, right? Or even making a decision or even setting a goal, right? We've already forecast the worst condition, fear, failure, like it, it won't work, it, this won't work for me, it won't work the way I hoped it would. And we get wrapped up in that fear and it's a scary process. But what I do like to do is really articulate, okay, if it is a failure, what, first of all, what is a failure? What am I considering a failure in this particular goal or this particular decision? Because sometimes, you know, especially with weight loss, you know, you might think I wanna lose 15 pounds and you don't actually get to the 15, but you might realize, but what I really wanted, I didn't wanna lose the 15 pounds I wanted to put on these jeans and I can do that. I wanted to wear a crop top and I feel comfortable doing that. It's like, so did I fail or did I just not hit this arbitrary goal number that I put in front of me?

Dina Cataldo (00:46:51):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:46:52):
So it's really helping you define what is success but also what is failure and recognizing there's a whole myriad of things that happen in between that don't have to, you know, impede you from moving forward.

Dina Cataldo (00:47:12):
Yeah. And I mean when you think about that in terms of revenue building in your business, right? What are your goals specifically? Why do you wanna hit the revenue goals that you want? Is it so that you have X amount of dollars in your savings account? Is it because you wanna make sure that your daughter gets into such and such school? Like

Cathy Council (00:47:32):
Exactly

Dina Cataldo (00:47:32):
What are, like, what is gonna be a win? Because so often I see, you know, us high achievers and I know you are too 'cause we've had conversations about this <laugh>,

Cathy Council (00:47:42):
But

Dina Cataldo (00:47:43):
You know, there's like, so often we're as high achievers we're like, I wanna create X result and it's like 10 x whatever, you know? And we're like, well, but why? Like what is it really? Why do we wanna do it? Are we making it mean if I lose 15 pounds, if I make a million dollars, am I making it mean I'm a better human being? That I'm more acceptable to societies in some way that I'm suddenly successful? Or am I doing it because it sounds like fun? It's, it's gonna feel really good when I put on those genes. It's gonna be amazing when I expand myself to do those things I'm scared of right now. And now I know I can do it. Like I can really show myself what I'm capable of and I can help more people. Like just knowing that and having it so clear what the real wins are.

Dina Cataldo (00:48:34):
I think it, for me, it makes it easier to, when I see I haven't hit a goal hit, haven't hit a specific target that month or whatever it is, I can look at it and say, but that doesn't actually mean anything about the goal itself. It's just this month I didn't hit the target. So let me question my brain, is that really a failure? Oh wait, no, because I achieved these other things this month. Even if it's not that target, I'm getting the compound effects of maybe I'm a little more muscular, right? Yes. So then I feel more confident with wearing a crop top. I, I don't wear crop top, so like hats off to you Cathy, but like all of those, those things that we might write off as a failure. 'cause We picked an arbitrary number, we wanna check in and say, wait a minute, what was really the goal?

Cathy Council (00:49:23):
Yes, exactly. Exactly. And recognizing, okay, so I didn't hit that target, but the target is still there. Yeah.

Dina Cataldo (00:49:34):
It doesn't mean you have to stop.

Cathy Council (00:49:36):
It doesn't mean you have to stop because even the timeframe was arbitrary. I should be able to do it by, you know, the end of this year. I should be able to do it next month. It's like you picked that number arbitrarily as well.

Dina Cataldo (00:49:51):
Yep.

Cathy Council (00:49:51):
So really identifying the failure and what I tell my client, the only failure is not doing anything like quitting ahead of time.

Dina Cataldo (00:50:01):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:50:02):
Like taking yourself out of the opportunity altogether.

Dina Cataldo (00:50:07):
Yeah, that's a great way of saying it is. Like when you take yourself out of the running, when you're like, I'm gonna take myself out of this altogether, then, then you're not even in the game.

Cathy Council (00:50:20):
Yeah.

Dina Cataldo (00:50:21):
And I, I feel like that for me personally is very sad.

Cathy Council (00:50:26):
Yeah, it is. It's very sad because you don't get to see what is possible. Like, you don't even get to meet that side of you that is going to go to the gym even when they don't feel like it or that side of you that's gonna say no to the second glass of wine because you've committed to just one a day, whatever it may be. You don't even find out if it's possible for you.

Dina Cataldo (00:50:54):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:50:56):
If you don't try.

Dina Cataldo (00:50:57):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:50:58):
And I have a tech tech ish background, so I have like a very fluid idea of like, you know, failure and trying and learning. Right? I think about all the things. And what's so interesting is that we'll accept beta software on our phone, like with someone I wanna try the latest and greatest new thing. All of these things with bugs, things that don't work, you know, not a problem. So for me, iterating and just trying over and over again, oh, it didn't work the way I thought it would. Right. But you just keep going. You just, oh, let me try something different. Lemme tweak this. We're up to, to iPhone 15, lemme tweak this. Exactly. Exactly. And it's still coming out with, you know, an OSS fix here or there. Right. There's constant, constant continual improvement. And I would just like to tie that like all the way back to perfection. 'cause Perfection says you gotta hit the target in one shot.

Dina Cataldo (00:51:55):
Yes.

Cathy Council (00:51:55):
Boom. That's it. Whereas, you know, allowing yourself to not be perfect allows you to get as many shots at the board as you can.

Dina Cataldo (00:52:07):
Yeah. Okay. I I don't know about you. I love basketball analogies, so,

Cathy Council (00:52:12):
Okay.

Dina Cataldo (00:52:13):
I, I do all this mindset stuff that Yeah. I see from Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan. But there was a time when Kobe Bryant wasn't hitting free throw shots and he didn't just like give up. He wasn't like, right, I guess I stink at free throws. He was like, no, I'm gonna go to the gym. I'm gonna practice. I'm gonna figure this out. I'm gonna figure out where I need to make tweaks in my body so I can get the ball into the basket.

Cathy Council (00:52:36):
Yes. That's

Dina Cataldo (00:52:37):
What's required so that you can create the result that you want. And him just showing up to the line and shooting the ball that, I mean, I would, I would call that consistency is like, I'm just gonna show up.

Cathy Council (00:52:51):
Yes, yes. Right. Deciding and following through. Yeah. And then what to your, take your analogy, he kept at it. Repetition is important. Repetition is where learning also happens, right? It's where you start to see, oh, I did this. I, I took this. I, I bent my knees more, I hit that hook, you know, I got the gooseneck as they say. Got it. Just right. Right. So you get to see that the more often you do it and you have to be willing to show up for the line

Dina Cataldo (00:53:29):
Yeah.

Cathy Council (00:53:29):
And take the shot Yeah. And repeat it as often as necessary to get your goal.

Dina Cataldo (00:53:37):
Yeah. And I don't think I understood that for a really long time. I think I really made myself suffer a lot because I was stuck in that perfectionism and not allowing myself to have iterations and to make improvements. I really thought, oh, it needs to be great out of the gate or it's, there's no point. It means I'm not capable. And I got that from way back in the day when I was a little kid. 'cause I was just so gifted and I got everything out of the gate. What I didn't see was that I had created consistency earlier. Yes. I had consistently gotten things wrong and learned from my mistakes. And I just happened to have that little bit of a head start on kids. And so my brain interpreted it as, oh, I need to be perfect and that is how I get good grades. No, it actually required me to not be perfect so that I could improve by just showing up every single day. Like my brain just forgot that.

Cathy Council (00:54:43):
Yes. Yes. And we, children are naturally consistent and willing to try and try and try again. Like get up and fall down, get up and fall down as many times as possible. And somewhere at some point we do switch to the results where we're looking at, oh, this is perfect.

Dina Cataldo (00:55:00):
Mm-Hmm. <Affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:55:01):
And I just wanna hit that in one try. But really it happens over the times that you've, you've done it.

Dina Cataldo (00:55:08):
Yeah. So everybody, you don't need to be perfect. You just need to show up. And then the second part of that, that fear of failure is how we talk to ourselves.

Cathy Council (00:55:18):
Yes. Yes. I call my negative Nancy and how <laugh> he wants to show up and tell me all the things that could go wrong. And a lot of times it's really the one part I actually give negative Nancy some credit. Like, how is she trying to help me? Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:55:37):
<Affirmative>,

Cathy Council (00:55:37):
How is this negative voice in my head, this whole conversation I'm having while I'm trying to put on my sneakers so I can get on the treadmill. Like, what is that trying to help me? And most of the time we think it's not helpful, it's just, it's, you know, it's all of the, but there is something at some point where it was helpful, it was protective. Right. And recognizing that. And very often people got the voice in their head. They either agree with it or they try to ignore it. And I try to have a conversation and I'm like, sometimes I'm like, yeah, that is what we did before. We didn't finish, we, we didn't finish before, but guess what we, this is a new try, so just work with me. We're gonna try it again now. And I like keep having a conversation with her. And sometimes it changes. Like sometimes she's like, well I'm gonna tell you this isn't gonna work, but I know you're going to try it anyway. Yes, I am. So let's, that's evolving those negative voices. Mm-Hmm.

Dina Cataldo (00:56:44):
<Affirmative>.

Cathy Council (00:56:44):
But most of the time people are accepting them. Yeah. Oh, I can't do it. And then they agree with it and then they stop trying.

Dina Cataldo (00:56:55):
Yeah. There's actually, there's an episode I did on how to talk to yourself because this is a conversation. What, when we don't have awareness, we don't realize it's just an optional voice that we can have a conversation with to help it evolve. And I have to not call the voice negative Nancy. 'cause I have a beautiful client named Nancy and she's,

Cathy Council (00:57:18):
Oh, don't do that.

Dina Cataldo (00:57:19):
So I'll call negative Nelson. Let's say, I don't dunno if you named Nelson, so I'm sorry Nelson, if you're on this podcast listening. I don't, I don't. Yeah. But yeah. Well I love this conversation. I wanna be respectful of your time. There's so much we could talk about around this conversation. But I do want to make sure that we get in all the goodness that you have to offer. And I'm definitely gonna be putting all the links that you mentioned in the show notes. But could you let me know two things? One, is there anything that we haven't touched on that you wanna make sure that people hear? And two, can you give me all the goodness that you have to offer?

Cathy Council (00:58:02):
Yeah, yeah. So I think we touched on everything and I, I really feel like if people spend some time thinking about when am I using willpower and when am I being consistent? And you'll know that by the language that you're using, when it's time to do something, I have to do it. I must do it. I need to do it. That is definitely you leaning into willpower instead of maybe asking yourself, how can I do this? How can this be easy? That's another way to just lean into willingness to do it and be consistent. So I really just wanna emphasize that as well. And then I do have on my website, right, I am on Instagram and Facebook at Cathy Counsel coaching altogether. And on my website, Cathy counsel.com, you can pick up my how to look good naked in 10 minutes. And this starts with the principle of being consistent. It's gonna take you through four questions that if you ask yourself this every day and follow through, you would reach your goal of looking good naked. So anyone can pick that up. It's just four questions. It takes less than 10 minutes, but you do the work and you'll get the results.

Dina Cataldo (00:59:19):
I love it so much. I'm gonna link to all of these in the show notes. Thank you so much for being here.

Cathy Council (00:59:25):
No, thank you. I always love talking to you Dina.

Dina Cataldo (00:59:27):
Cathy is just one of my favorite humans. She is so fun to talk to. She's so open. She is just so able to talk about mindset in a way that I love. Mindset is near and dear to my heart and I know it is to her too. So it's so fun to get to have these kind of nerd out conversations around mindset. Now as you heard, if you wanna connect with Cathy, I'm gonna link to everything that she mentioned in the show no***@di*********.com slash 2 88. And if you're inspired after listening to this episode to really say yes, I want support. I want support to help me follow through and take action to be consistent and hitting goals in my law practice. I wanna invite you to book a strategy session with me. You can book at dina cataldo.com/strategy session. Alright my friend, I hope you enjoyed this episode and I will talk to you soon. Bye.