Hello. How are you doing today? I am just going to jump in today because it's kind of an intense topic. This is something that you might even resist doing because it's so intense and it brings up a lot of emotions that don't feel good and you know me. I'm all about looking at all those feelings that don't feel good and trying to understand why I feel that way. It's not that I am trying to be happy all the time because I don't think that's normal. I think it is normal to experience a range of emotions, but when we are goal setting and we are trying to achieve something we've never done before or maybe something that we've never seen done before then it's a little bit different.

It takes really looking at those negative thoughts that we're having and understanding them and beginning to shift them because we can't create anything new with old thoughts, so we really have to look at all of the thoughts that we have right now that aren't serving us, that are subconsciously sabotaging us. Every time we try something, I hear people say all the time, well, I've tried that and it didn't work. Okay, well you tried one thing and it didn't work. Two things and it didn't work. Three things and it didn't work. Trial and error is part of any goal setting and achieving. If you don't achieve something, you know that phrase, try, try again. Well, you have to try, try, try and try and continue trying and believing with certainty that you will create the end result that you want, but that's really easier said than done.

What I want to do in this episode is show you how we're all ready doing this in our life, but we're not conscious of it. My goal here is to help you become more conscious of it because once you are, then you'll be able to dig underneath all of those subconscious beliefs, start bringing them to the surface and then start shifting your beliefs slowly but surely into that area of alignment with the goals that you have. This is a process. Our brain is automatically going to want to sabotage us. There's this great book that I'm going to link to in the show notes, Dinacataldo.com/73 it's called the big leap by Gay Hendricks. And it is all about how we are continually self-sabotaging when we have a goal.

Alright, so I want to start out with this.

We are 100% responsible for all of the results we have in our life.

You've got to work from that place, otherwise you were really going to be digging deep here. All right, so if you are blaming other people for your results rather than looking at your own actions, it's going to be a lot more difficult to do this. And of course, coaching helps with this. This is a self coaching exercise that I'm really teaching you today and we can't always get to the result that we want without a little extra help. But this is going to get you so far. All right, so where have we seen this before? So if you've gone to law school, if you've achieved a doctorate, if you've gone to undergrad, then this is going to be really easy to see in your life. So I'm going to use this example. You weren't always a lawyer, you weren't always a doctor, you weren't always an engineer, you weren't always an entrepreneur.

You had a thought, I'm going to be a lawyer. And you felt certainty that it was possible. Like there was no doubt in your mind. You'd seen it a million times before. So of course you were certain you were going to be a lawyer and you did all of the things, all of the things that you need to do to be a lawyer. You studied, you got really focused when you were studying for the bar, you scheduled everything, you found time for yourself. And if you were one of those people who was an overachiever, you somehow found a time to work out which made your life a lot easier. Well, the result was as you became a lawyer, and of course that is going to reinforce your thought. I'm going to be a lawyer. So that's a really simple example, but this is where it shows up in our life all the time.

The simple examples. But what if you want to achieve something you've never done before? Something that sounds impossible, maybe something you're afraid to say out loud to other people because it sounds crazy. That's what we're going to be talking about today. So how can we apply this kind of thought cycle that I just explained? Having a thought, creating that feeling of certainty that then led you to take all the actions that resulted in you becoming a lawyer. How do we apply this to these big goals? So my process this weekend was in focusing on a goal and working through my thoughts to see where I need to shift my attention to become more aligned with my goal. Now it's important to recognize that when we have a thought, it generates a feeling in our body. And that feeling is what really leads as to take action in the world that leads us to behave in certain ways.

And that behavior that we display in the world then creates our end result. And I want to describe what's going on in our brains when we are trying to create a new result. And it might make a little more sense about why it's so difficult to move from point a. The result we have now to point B, the result that we want to create in lives. So imagine a trip you take all the time. I'm gonna use the trip to the office, for instance. You drive from the house, you commute to the office, maybe the same exact way every single day. In fact, you don't even need to think about it anymore. It's just automatic. Now you can go a different way to the office. It just takes a little extra thought process. You have to actually think about making different turns to get to the same place you get to every single day.

But it takes a process and you can actually change your habit, but you've got to be conscious about changing that habit every single day. So instead of taking that initial route, you're moving to plan B, the new route, that is what it's going to feel like for a while until you can get your thoughts aligned with the result that you want because the thoughts that you have right now are not getting you that result. Obviously there's something not aligned with your thoughts if you don't already have that result approved of actually having that alignment is having that result already. So let's take a look at how this breaks down with this exercise. Again, I am going to put in the checklist all of these steps. There's going to be seven steps, but I'm gonna walk you through them so that you can do this right now. If you're in your car, obviously you can't do it, but if you are sitting somewhere, grab a notepad and a pen and go along with this with me.

You can put this on pause. You can do whatever you need to do, but really sit down and do this. Passive listening is not going to help you. In fact, if you've been doing passive listening on any of these, then you probably haven't seen much change in your results. So I want you to start really taking these concepts to heart and actually working through them. Okay, so…

Step one.

Take out a sheet of paper and then you are going to write down what your goal is. This is bringing out the magic wand time because this is not about what's realistic. This is about what you want to achieve and you might have a lot of goals right now and you're just going to write them all down.

Just take five minutes to write down everything you want.

We are actually 47% more likely to achieve anything we write down, so this is a good practice to get into.

Once you've written everything down, what I want you to do is circle one thing, maybe one thing you're focusing on in the next 90 days. I want you to take a look at that. And when you're looking at it, it should bring up some fear. If it's not bringing up fear, your goal probably isn't big enough. It's probably pretty easy. So I wanted to bring up some fear and we never work our best from fear. So what we're going to do is we're going to work from that fear and we're going to shift into something else. Maybe it's going to be that certainty that we felt when we had achieved anything else that we have in our lives. That's how I like to work into this. But I want you to recognize what emotions, what feelings in your body will motivate you the most.

That's going to be different for all of us.

Step two.

On a second piece of paper — this is going to be separate — you are going to write down all the reasons why your brain is saying you can't do it. You can't do it. “Nope, not happening.” And between each reason, quote unquote, you're gonna leave two lines. So you're going to leave two lines between each thought you have. So this is what I'm talking about and this is exactly what I went through when I was going through this exercise. These are some examples I don't know how to, I've never done it before. I only have X clients. I don't have enough money to hire the people I need to make it happen. There aren't enough people that know about me to reach that revenue goal. I don't know if there are enough people who want what I offer to meet that goal.

I'm going to sacrifice why at time with myself to make that goal happen. I'm risking security and it's so much easier not to do it. Those are all examples. The thoughts that I had when I looked at this big revenue goal that I have and when I looked at that, it dug up all of these emotions and all of these, what my brain thinks are reasons that I can't do it and they're all thoughts and all thoughts are optional. This is just my brain doing what it does, trying to keep me safe that thinks I'm being attacked by a tiger. That's okay and it is really easy to get stuck looking at these negative thoughts, these thoughts that I can't do it and there's all these reasons why I can't do it. I don't know. I'm not good enough. I'm going to fail all of these thoughts.

What we want to do is bring them out into the open. We want to air them out. We want to really take a look at them because there's nothing to be scared of here. These are all just thoughts and remember our brain is always seeking evidence to reinforce our thoughts. So I'll give you an example of this. The other day I coached someone who was really angry with their employee. They had a really difficult time even seeing anything that they appreciated in this person. And it turned out that this person actually is responsible for a big part of their business, which is keeping their clients happy. So it's important that we start really recognizing that our thoughts are not always the truth, that our brain is looking for ways to reinforce the thoughts that we already have. It's not looking for new neuropathways. It's looking for things that are easy, easy to reach for, easy to blame.

So it's important that we start really recognizing these things. It sabotages our efforts to shift into new results, into these new behaviors that we want to have, and that's really demonstrated well by gay Hendricks book, the big leap. I'm gonna link to that book, Dina cataldo.com forward slash 73 because it was really enlightening. You really start to recognize where our brain is playing tricks us. Yeah, it's important to leave those two spaces between each of those thoughts because we're going to get back to that later.

Step three.

You're going to do this on multiple pieces of paper. I just want you to recognize you're going to be using a lot of paper on this, but it is so worth it. I used one sheet for each of these thoughts, so if you want to do that, that might be helpful. It kind of keeps it organized in my brain.

So on multiple sheets of paper, you're going to go through each of these thoughts that you've already written down. Every single thought that you have told yourself, I can't do it, whatever that quote unquote reason is, and then you're going to create a list of evidence for the opposite of that negative thought. So let me give you an example. At the top of the page, you're going to write the opposite of the thought that you had that was negative. My example is I can't do this right. That was the initial negative thought. I'm going to turn that around into evidence that I can do this. So then I just listed through all of the evidence in my life that I can do this. This is really working into my brain, trying to reinforce the thought that I want to have because I'm searching for evidence to reinforce that thought.

I invest in my skills and creating more time for myself by hiring help, I've connected with people who can help me strategize over the next year to create the result that I want. I've created something out of nothing before. I've discovered steps to go to undergrad law school by my house, adopted a dog, buy the exact car I wanted, create online programs, created a website, et cetera. So we are really forcing our brain to look for evidence of the opposite of the negative thought that we had. Pretty neat, right? Like you're actually getting into your brain and you're feeling the wheels turn. You're actually having to crank them a little bit because our brain does not want to go there. This is taking some effort. It's going to take some work, so if you feel some resistance to this, stick with this, don't stop, go through it because this is where the growth happens.

Step four.

You're going to go through all of the pages of evidence and you're going to choose one new thought in opposition to that old negative thought that really resonates with you, really feels good. Or maybe you're going to come up with something new that feels even better, but it's going to feel motivating to you. Maybe something that's energizing to you. I'll give you some examples…

In my original list in step two, I had all of these reasons why I couldn't do it, right? All of these thoughts, why I couldn't achieve the revenue result that I want, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to state that original fake reason — that brain default reason and then I am going to show you what the new thought is, how I am setting myself up for success, how I am clearing my brain of those thoughts I started with, I don't know how I ended with, I can find out how to do this.

It's doable, right? It's totally figureoutable. I find out how to do this. Another example, I've never done it before. My opposition thought is I do things I've never done before, all the time: go to law school. Go to undergrad, buy my car by my house. I found evidence of that everywhere in my life. I only have X clients. I turned that into, I can create anything. I don't have enough money to hire the people I need to make it happen. I turned that into, I know how to create money. I found evidence of that everywhere in my life. I turned there are enough people that know about me to reach that revenue goal into “I will learn how to spread my message.” I turned, I don't know if there are enough people who want what I offered to meet that goal into, “There are plenty of people interested in the internal work and there are more people every single day who are interested in this.”

I turned, I'm going to sacrifice quiet time with myself into, “I'll invest more quiet time with myself to do the internal work that I need to do to create the goal.” I turned, I'm risking security into “Everything will be fine.” I turned, it's so much easier not to do it into “yes, but way less fun.”

So I want you to see the way I worked myself into that. This is going to take work. I spent over an hour on this. Just kind of like moving the wheels in my brain, trying to think of different thoughts, different evidence for the thoughts that I knew I needed in order to create the result that I wanted. So this is going to take some time, and if you've never done this before, it might get really frustrating. That's okay.

It's good to be frustrated. That means you're growing.

Step five.

Once you've done all of this, you're going to go through each negative thought. I want you to cross a line through the negative thought and I want you to write the new thought that you've created underneath that old thought.

Step six.

I want you to notice your thoughts all the time around this goal. Anytime you're working on this goal or you're avoiding working on this goal or you are putting it off, whatever you do, I want you to notice it. I don't want you to beat yourself up for it though. I don't want you to shame yourself or berate yourself because you're not doing what you think you quote unquote should be doing. I just want you to notice it without judgment and just say, “Oh, that's interesting. My brain is doing that thing again where it doesn't want me to feel uncomfortable.” That's all you got to say.

Step seven…

is starting to practice this new thought and generating the feeling that it creates. Here's the thing. Remember when I said that our brain wants to follow the same path all the time? In fact, it's even generating the evidence for that old thought all the time. Just because you go through this one time doesn't mean you're magically going to believe the thought that you have come up with. That's why it requires constant supervision of our brain. Our brain is like a child. We actually have to go in. We have to recognize what's happening and say, “Hey, no, that's not okay. I am thinking this other thing.” And this serves me more and this feels better to me and I am going to continue generating that feeling for me, the feeling that all of those thoughts that I mentioned for you, what they create for me is certainty.

That certainty that I am going to achieve my goal. I actually believe that that certainty is what helped me generate all of the goals that I have had, like achievements that I've had in my life, going to law school, undergrad, my career, this podcast, everything. I was certain about it. I was absolutely certain I could create it, so why shouldn't I generate that certainty with any goal that I have in my life? Certainty for me creates that feeling of anticipation. You know, like you're going on a trip, like you know it's going to happen. You're not wondering if you're actually gonna make it to the plane. You're not wondering if you're going to get up into the sky or not. Wondering whether or not you may or may not get onto the ground and then be able to enjoy your vacation. That's not what's going on in your mind, your minds thinking about, “wow, I can't wait until I get to Bali.

It's going to be so beautiful there. I can't wait to meet everybody. It's going to be so exciting.” That is what certainty feels like for me. That certainty that I'd be a lawyer, that there'd be a job waiting for me, that I could reach any goal that I am going to arrive at my destination.

I'm excited for you to implement this. I mean, what could it hurt, right?

The worst that will happen is that you feel amazing. How bad is that?

So I want to hear from you if this is something that resonates with you, if this is something that you want to do more of in your life, more of this deep work, let me know. Find me on Instagram @Dina.Cataldo you can also leave me a review on Apple podcasts. I read every review. I will respond to you. I might even give you a shout out on the podcast, so let me know. I can't wait to hear what's going on in your life and I will talk to you soon. Bye.

If you love this kind of work and you're not sure what the next step is on your path to get what you want out of life. If you want help navigating, overwhelm, and basically just make your life easier, let's work together. It's easy. Go to Dinacataldo.com to learn how you can get started today.