#375: Chasing Success

If you feel like you are constantly chasing success and that no matter what you do, it is never enough to achieve what you wanna achieve. Today's episode of Be a Better Lawyer is for you. Hello, my friend. How are you doing today? I hope that when you listen to this today, that you are in a place that allows you to really sit with the message that you hear, whether you're driving or whether you're sitting down having your first or third cup of coffee today. Because what I wanna share with you today is something that has taken me a long time to really absorb <laugh>, to really feel more and more and more in my bones.

And when I first came to the legal profession, it was almost like I needed it to prove myself. I needed to become a lawyer to prove that I was smart enough, that I was hardworking enough that I belonged, that I deserved whatever came to me, money, people, whatever it is. And that was something that I became very attached to. I became attached to this identity I had of being a lawyer, of being someone in the world, <laugh>, right? Being someone who had status as a DA, who walked into a courtroom and everyone paid attention to, and feeling that need for an approval of some sort. And so often we use our careers, we use money, we use status to prove something about us, and we chase after it. We go after it with everything. We've got all our energy, we stay up late, we stay working weekends, we do all of the things.

We rush around, we put ourselves last on the list because everything is so important. Everything about us and our identity as a lawyer is so important because if we're a lawyer and people think we're smart enough and we're hardworking enough, then that means that we are worthy, that we are deserving, that we belong in whatever office, whatever profession that we've chosen, whatever path we've taken. And that chasing of success will always leave you feeling empty. So if you've been working really hard and now you have some money and, and you have some status, and you're looking around and you're like, why do I not feel the way I think I should feel? Why don't I feel fulfilled and happy and, and just really having an enjoyment of my life? Why don't I feel that way? Why do I feel anxious? Why do I feel overwhelmed?

Why do I feel stressed out all the time? I want to offer to you that one of the reasons that you feel the way you do is because you've been chasing success. And success is usually defined in our society, right? These are the messages that we receive that become ingrained in ourselves because we've heard them so often, whether from parents, whether from the messages we see on tv, from celebrities, from wherever it is we're spending our time, those messages are often more money means success. Notice it's more money. I'm putting more in quotation marks because there's never enough. There's never a number, a magic number you're going to hit that is suddenly gonna create fulfillment. Try it. $10 million. You don't know. $15 million, $20 million, a billion dollars. No amount of money can give you fulfillment, because where does fulfillment come from? It comes from our beliefs about ourselves.

And those beliefs about ourselves cannot be created by money. They can only be created within ourselves. They can't be created on our exterior. So when we feel empty or we feel like we're chasing, we're going after something, we're really struggling to achieve something, and we go, go, go. Because we think the top of the mountain, we're gonna get to pause and we're gonna look around, and that's when we're gonna feel fulfilled. And guess what? There's always gonna be another mountain. There's always gonna be another path, another trail. And getting to the top of any mountain is not going to magically make you feel fulfilled. It's not going to magically make you feel all the things like worthiness and love and contentment. It won't do that. How do I know? Because I have tried it <laugh>. I have worked myself to the bone. I have done all the late nights.

I sacrificed my health, I sacrificed my sanity because I was chasing after in approval from everything outside of myself. Whether it was a person saying good job, or whether it was the money in my bank account saying, good job, because I was making that money mean, oh, I am working hard enough. I am doing a good job. And yes, money is important. I love money. It allows us to have so many beautiful experiences. But money is a tool just like life is a tool. Just like everything we receive in life is a tool. Whether it is something like what I experienced, like a breast cancer diagnosis, that's a tool. It's something that I can use as a learning tool to inform how I move forward. I never looked at that as a detriment. I always looked at it when I was able to process it.

Not in that moment when I'd never had that experience before. In that moment it was scary. But then I realized, wait a minute. This is just an experience and what you wanna understand about your life, or what are you gaining every step of the way? What are you learning every step of the way? Because if you are chasing after some sort of external validation, praise, or confirmation that you're a good lawyer, that you are deserving of the money that you're receiving, then you are always going to feel like you're behind. You are always going to believe that you should be doing more. You will constantly be at a deficit. What I wanna talk to you about here in this conversation is how to create that feeling of abundance and fulfillment. Now, why is this important? So you, I've heard this a lot. Like I heard this a lot when I was in personal development, learning all the things, right?

Like trying to understand more about the universe in myself. And, and one of the big things that kept coming up over and over again was you have to feel the feeling of abundance and prosperity. Now in order to have prosperity and abundance. And I followed a lot of manifestation and money creation and business and entrepreneurship, all of the things, the how do you do it And trying to figure out, okay, what's the magic code, the magic way to do it, because I wanted more money because I thought money was gonna mean, this is what I made money mean. I'm successful, I'm safe. I, um, I don't, I have freedom. I have love. Like I actually made money mean that, you know, money was love <laugh> because I was having these experiences when I spent money that felt really good, right? So it was just really interesting to understand our relationship with relationship success and all of the things that our brain has made it mean for us to be successful. Status money, the way we look, right? The way our hair is done, the jewelry we wear, whatever it is, you know, the purse you have, right? What is the identity of somebody who has success?

We get these messages outside of ourselves of what success means, but what does it truly mean to you internally? And I didn't even go there for the longest time because I thought, no, no, no, no, no, I hear you. I hear you about all of this. Feel it first. Feel prosperity first. Okay? But I really would like to have some money. So I do the things that I wanted to do because I thought doing the things I wanted to do, going out to dinner, buying pretty things, you know, having my pretty car, that that all meant that I was successful. And then that meant that I was fulfilled. And I thought that that was the purpose of life, is to have all the things and to, to be able to access all of the experiences, to be able to fly first class, to be on a yacht, all the things, right?

And that is what my mindset said. That was success was. Which makes sense because that's the messaging I got externally. You know, when you turn on television, what do you see celebrities doing? What do you see them wearing, right? Or what do you see these high profile billionaires doing? Right? They're renting cities, <laugh> so they can get married. These are the things that my brain said back in the day that signified success. And if I was successful in the ways I thought success looked like, then other people would think I'm successful. And if other people thought I was successful, then that was amazing. I was like, I just want other people to know. I'm really smart to know that I'm very accomplished, right? You know, degrees, all the things. I know, all the, the case law, I'm really good in court. All those things that if I was able to show that externally to other people and prove myself to other people, then I would feel okay.

Then I would feel fulfilled. Like I had made it. And what I didn't realize then was that I needed to become appreciative of where I was in the moment. So, for example, and I hear this a lot too, right? Like gratitude and this, this word gets so overused, I wanna roll my eyes. I have gratitude. Yeah, it sounds really beautiful, but what does that mean to say, oh, I'm thankful. I'm really thankful that I got X, Y, z. I'm really thankful that I got that promotion. I'm really thankful for this. I'm really thankful for that. No, that's not what it means. It makes it really difficult to access the feeling of abundance and prosperity and gratitude when you are simply saying the thank yous, you know, for the things that you're, you're having. Like, I have this cup of coffee here, I'm taking a sip.

Ah, right? I could say, oh, I'm so thankful that I have this cup of coffee here. But what I wanna do is take this a step further because I think gratitude has become a platitude <laugh>. And now that you have this awareness that success doesn't mean anything about you externally, or what other people are seeing or experiencing of you, that it's all about you and your experience. Now we can talk more about the experience you're having of your life right now. The experience that you get to choose every single day, whether you wake up in a good mood in the morning or not, you get to choose throughout your day to switch gears, to regroup, to change your path every single day, every single moment, every single moment.

And the appreciation I'm talking about is this deep appreciation of the beauty of how things come together in this world. How we're co-creating in this world. How you are creating a life moment by moment based on each decision you get to make in your life and the freedom of choice that you have. And sometimes it doesn't feel like you have a choice, but you always have a choice. There are consequences to some choices. Yeah. I like to use the example of you don't have to pick your kids up from school. You could just let them be there. I, I hear so many lawyers saying, oh my gosh, and then I have to do this, and then I have to do this, and then I gotta pick up my kids from school. So you don't have to do anything. You could totally leave some there <laugh>. Now, would it be frowned upon?

Might you get arrested? Maybe, but you always have a choice. And what is the choice that leads you to the life that you want to have? What I discovered was that the choice I wanted to make for myself was to live in appreciation. And it is not easy, especially because we have work coming in a mile a minute. We've got lots of things to do. We've got people to take care of. We've got animals to take care of. We've got things to do in the world that need to get done. We do need to make money, right? You need to have money so you can eat healthy foods and you can have really fun experiences with your family and all of these kinds of things. Yeah, you, you do need money for those kinds of things. Yeah, a lot of them.

But what I was doing, and what you might be doing is looking for that success outside of yourself instead of starting first with the internal work. That's what I was doing. And that internal work requires you to get quieter. It requires you to be with yourself. It requires you to begin thinking about, not in a casual way, but in a way in which you can connect with the truth of it. For example, I could have this cup of coffee and I could inhale, I can experience the aroma. That's all external, right? It's beautiful, I love it. But what had to happen for this cup of coffee to come into my hands, there was a bean mini beans, <laugh> that had to be grown somewhere. Somebody needed to tend it to them. Water needed to be used to grow the plants. I needed that. I needed the coffee beans, needed the sun to nourish them.

They needed soil to nourish them. They needed animals to come through and, you know, decayed matter. And they needed all of these different things to nourish the soil. And then somebody had to come in and say, Hey, let's, let's get all these beans together. Let's package them up. Let's send them off Another place had to say, oh, you know what? Let's purchase these beans from these farmers and let's get these beans over to Sedona. And then <laugh>, you know, and then in Sedona there's gonna be this coffee shop and somebody puts together this beautiful coffee shop so that I can walk in and purchase a pack of beans off the shelf. I didn't have to grow them. I didn't have to tend to them. I didn't have to watch them, I didn't have to wait for them. I didn't have to do any of that. I just showed up in the store in my local coffee shop, and I said, I would like to buy that bag of beans, please.

And then that doesn't even count. All the other things, the people who are in the store who are friendly, and I love, you know, being there because of that. And they sell me the beans and they're making profit, and then that money goes to them and it furthers the store and it makes the employees happy and they keep working there. And the store keeps, gets to keep going. And then I get to keep going and just buying beans off the shelf, not having to tend them myself, not needing to wait for the sun to help them grow. Not even not even needing to think about the earth and how it's nourished the plants where these beans come from. Do you see where I'm going here? How much we take for granted every single moment. That doesn't even count the coffee cup that I'm drinking it out of.

I've got this beautiful hawk on the front of my mug, and it's so beautiful. And this artist put this together. And then this company said, we'll put people's art on these mugs and we'll sell these mugs in a store. And I just picked it up off the shelf. And then think about all of the links in the chain and how we're all connected, having that appreciation for the connection that we all have with one another. How grateful are you for the clients who walk through your door? Right? How appreciative are you of, of saying like, wow, I get to have this amazing meal because beautiful people want to work with me and I'm serving them and they're helping me. And being appreciative of the links in the chain that allow us to have the experiences that we have. The more you do this, the more you gain, the more abundant you'll feel.

You'll start to look around with more awe and wonder. I was on my walk this morning, and if you, um, if you've been listening for any length of time, you probably know I recently moved to Sedona, Arizona. I've been posting videos of Sedona, 'cause I've been exploring on Instagram. So if you're not following me on Instagram, you can join me at Dina Cataldo. But there, I've been doing Instagram lives from outside, which are basically mini podcasts. I had one person tell me, like, you know, I just turn on these lives when I'm driving to, to work, and I love listening to them. So if that's something that's up your alley, go to Instagram. And I'm sharing what I'm looking at in Sedona. And this morning I found this path that somebody had created. I, I just was like walking around, walking with my dog. I found this path and I just started walking down it.

I said, wow, this is amazing. Somebody did this. They flattened out the trail. They put some stones along the side to help guide you. They had these little sitting areas, they had these little tables. Somebody had built, um, a heart in this area, this clearing made of stones. It was really beautiful. But somebody did that. They contributed to my experience this morning that I, I just showed up. And how appreciative are you when you stumble across these little beauties, these little gifts throughout the day? And what happens when you start noticing these gifts? When you start paying attention, you put your attention on these gifts and seeing like, wow, this experience wouldn't have happened, but for the sun, the rain, the beautiful people who decided, Hey, this was a great place for a little trail. When you start putting your attention on those things, you begin to feel something different in yourself.

When you're appreciative, you start to feel this opening happen. You start to recognize, wait a minute, I'm part of something bigger here. I'm a link in the chain. I'm part of something that is expansive and beautiful. And yes, there's ugliness and yes, there's, there's pain, and there's all of these things that come with being a human. And how can I be appreciative of everything, everything that comes in my path, everything that comes in the stream, when I am experiencing something that feels horrible, what can I gain from it? What's there? What is the gift there for me? And yeah, in the moment, it might feel hard, but don't let that just pass without reflection, without going inside and recognizing, yes, there's a gift here for me. What is the gift? You can come back to it later. The pains, the struggles. I I, I look back at my legal career and I look back at all of my experiences, the late nights, the over drinking, the overworking, the being mean to myself, the, the harshness, the the criticisms I took on the, the times when I didn't speak up for myself. I look for all of those experiences as a gift, because guess what they help me do now I get to help my clients. I get to share with them what I've learned.

I get to share with you on this podcast, the experiences I I've had and the mistakes that I've made in thinking, I believe everything happens for a reason. And so whatever I'm experiencing, whatever you are experiencing right now, there's a reason for it. There's a learning. There's something to be gained there. And when you really live in abundance, when you really live in appreciation, you begin to feel it. And you begin to understand that the external markers of success that we have been trained to look for, trained to go after, to chase, they mean nothing.

They're shallow, they're superficial. You could have no money in the bank and you would be okay. You would be able to live wherever you needed to live. You would be able to ask for help. You, you would find a way. And I don't say that that's something I'm, you know, suggesting that we all go out and do. I think that I, I, I know that I love the, the chain, the way that it's set up, right? So the way the chain is set up is that we serve and we receive, we serve and we receive, we serve and we receive. Think about this in terms of your law practice. You serve a boss, a client, whomever it might be. And when you serve, you receive, what do you receive? You receive money. And then when you take that money, what do you do with the money?

Well, you go out and you buy a pretty coffee cup and you get some coffee beans and you make some coffee. So you receive, right? You, you give, you receive, and then you go and you give some of that money. 'cause money is meant to be spent. It's not meant to be hoarded. It's meant to be spent, it's meant to flow. And then I give to the coffee shop and I help that chain and help that business owner and help them move forward and grow their business. And then I keep receiving my coffee. But guess what other people get to receive too, because the coffee shop stays in business. The employees are able to spend money, they're able to buy healthy food, they're able to buy more coffee. <laugh>, right? They're able to have experiences with their family. And this is a chain. When we start placing our attention on this chain, the chasing of success becomes so unimportant.

It becomes this almost, I don't know, it's like it becomes nothing. It becomes this external thing that doesn't matter. Because what matters is what's going on internally. And here's what's another beautiful thing about this link in the chain about learning, that if you stop chasing success, you can actually feel more abundant, is that you are no longer looking for the external validation. You're no longer trying to prove yourself. You're no longer trying to, you know, work so hard to show people that you are a hard worker. You're now living for yourself, and you're now recognizing you're part of something bigger. You're part of this world that was intentionally designed. Whatever your belief is in terms of, you know, a higher being, call it the great mystery, right? There is a power in that within ourselves. When we start to connect ourselves with that in appreciation, and we start to really be with ourselves, and it helps us be present.

And all this morning, like this is what I do every morning, is, is I, I keep coming back to the present moment. It is so hard. 'cause my brain wants to think about all the things I gotta do in the future, right? But the more I come to the present moment, the more I use appreciation as a tool. This thinking about the link in the chain as a tool, and really, really sitting with the amazingness of the experience I'm able to have because of someone who decided they wanted to start a coffee shop, or because I have people who listen to this podcast are and are inspired to change their life, inspired to connect with me in a strategy session and hire me. Like all of that makes my life possible to enjoy the beauty that I get to enjoy. And I wanna offer to you that, that's happening to you right now too.

Whatever your situation, whatever your experience, you're gaining things right now. You, you may not have your attention on it, you may not notice it, but the more you notice it, the more abundant you'll feel and the more abundant you'll feel, the, the less you'll try to prove yourself. And if you've been listening to this podcast, you know, the harder we work, it does not mean we make more money. It actually makes our life harder. We can create a lot of work for ourselves without receiving the gainings. And when you're trying to chase success, you're going to continue to overwork. And you're continue to try to prove your worth and your value, whether it's to your clients or to yourself, versus being with yourself with the abundance that's already present, present in your life. And with the love for yourself, love for you, getting up in the morning and helping people, serving in the way that you are serving right now.

Getting to experience the experiences that you're having and really starting to connect with yourself more and more. That is what is going to lessen that desire to chase. Because you're gonna feel so satisfied. You're gonna feel so fulfilled. You're gonna look around and say, oh my God, look at the magic I'm living in right now. But so few of us live in that magic, so few of us. And instead, we live in the news and we watch the news and we let it drag us down. And we don't, we don't even realize what we're doing first thing in the morning.

We're opening our email, we're going into the news. We're checking all the bad things that happened overnight. We don't even recognize it. And while that's changing you in the moment and taking you away from appreciation, does that mean bad things are not gonna happen? No, but there's a reason for things beyond our pay grade. I like to look at it that way. There's reasons for things beyond my pay grade <laugh>. And so what can I look at? I can appreciate the experience I'm having right now, and maybe if it's a bad experience, I'm gonna label it quote unquote bad. It doesn't feel good. I am just gonna say, look, there's a reason for this. And then my work is to come back into the gainings of it when I'm ready, when I'm able to process my feelings around it.

Okay? I think I have shared with you what I want to share with you around chasing success. And one tool to help you lessen that, that chase. And instead release it and understand that you have everything that you need and to start appreciating it. And the more you appreciate it, the more you're gonna start seeing it. And the more you're gonna start feeling abundant, you're gonna feel prosperous. It's really a, a strange thing. And I say strange because if, if I had said this to you, if you, if you had heard this, I had heard this five years ago, I would've said, are you out of your mind? <laugh>?

This is like, I, I need to work hard. I need to make money. I need to go after what I'm going after. I need to prove that I can do this. And I no longer look at things like I need to prove to myself I can do it. It's more like, I know I can do this, and now I'm just figuring it out. I don't need to prove anything to anybody outside of myself anymore. Which is really a freeing feeling because I could let go of that needing to chase, to prove, to convince like, Hey, I'm good enough. I'm smart enough, I'm worthy enough. I could let that go and say, wait a minute, I'm already worthy of everything now. I just make decisions about the life that I want to live. And that's really what I'm helping you do in this podcast. Or if we're working together one-on-one.

‘Cause I kind of like to think of these conversations on the podcast as continuations for some of the, the clients that I'm working with. Whether you're in timepiece or one-on-one, that we're having a conversation now about chasing and whether enough, whether or not you're ever gonna feel like there's enough in your life. What if there's enough right now? What if you have everything you need right now? What if the links in the chain already give you everything you need? And the more you place your attention on that, the better you're gonna feel and the better you feel, the easier it will be to take the actions that you need in order to create the life that you want. Whether it's creating boundaries, whether it is not overworking and killing yourself, and taking away time from your family. Whether it's making decisions like the decisions I made.

You know, if you decided, Hey, I'd like to start my own business. I'd like to, I, I'm feeling this desire to have something different in my life. I wanna, I have this desire to have my own practice. I have this desire for something more, for something totally different. I have this desire to create a practice where I'm not stressed out all the time, where I am able to be a part of the link of the chain, serve in a bigger level, and receive at a bigger level.

And that's really what I'm doing with my clients in many different ways. And if you want to learn more about what that might look like for you, if this is resonating with you, if you're hearing this, you're saying, yeah, I want to feel more fulfilled. I wanna feel like I am part of something bigger. I, I know I am part of something bigger, but how do I show up the way that I want to?

Then I wanna invite you to book a strategy session with me. Go to dina capaldo.com/strategy session. And what we're gonna do is we're gonna talk about where you are right now, some of the desires you have, and you're gonna gain clarity from that conversation. Clarity about what your next steps are, but clarity about what it is you truly desire and what might be where you're not placing your attention right now, where you're not placing your attention that you need to have your attention on where you need to be paying attention because it's holding you back from feeling the way you wanna feel. It's holding you back from the abundance, it's holding you back from the fulfillment. And we'll have that conversation on the strategy session. It's totally complimentary. Hope to talk to you soon. Have a beautiful day. I will talk to you next week. Bye.

<silence>

If you love what you're learning on the podcast, join me inside one of my coaching programs. There will take what you're learning here, put it into practice, and take your life and law practice to levels you didn't know possible. You can work with me one-on-one or inside of Timepiece for Lawyers, my signature group coaching program by going to dina cataldo.com. There you can sign up for a complimentary strategy session and sign up for the wait list for the next enrollment period for timepiece, for lawyers. Now is the time to take charge of your life and your law practice. I will help you every step of the way. Let's go.