#371: How To Stop Feeling Annoyed

You may be thinking, “Isn’t feeling annoyed a natural part of life? Why is feeling annoyed a problem?”

Now if you have a momentary feeling of annoyance, that’s to be expected.

What the problem is, is that most people spend a large amount of their time and mind power in annoyance, irritation and frustration.

And this is stealing their capacity to build their dreams, to have peace and happiness, to create deeper connection with themselves and their families.

I will tell you I spend a good amount of time coaching lawyers on feeling annoyed, frustrated and irritated because it is a massive time and energy drain.

They feel irritated that people around them are making noise.

They feel annoyed that their clients don’t do what they tell them to do.

They feel frustrated that they didn’t get their billing done.

Yes, that’s right. We can feel annoyed with ourselves too!

Ever notice when you’re feeling annoyed you:

Get a little snippy with people around you?
Maybe raise your voice?
Think about the same problem over and over and over again until you begin annoying yourself even more?
Complaint to co-workers, friends, family, or anyone who will listen
Try to control people and situations
Being snippy with people who are simply doing the best they can where they are in their life

The solution to feeling annoyed isn’t changing all the people and circumstances on the exterior. If that were possible, everyone would be living life on someone else’s terms. Because only if other people behave the way we want them to and only if the world conforms to our rules about what’s right and wrong can we be happy. Can we be at peace. And you already know it’s impossible to control people or the outside world.

The solution is learning how to create peace in your interior.

It’s learning how to manage your mind, your reactions. It’s learning how to quiet yourself long enough to notice what’s happening and change how you respond to what’s going on outside of you.

The noise on the exterior will continue to get louder.

– If you have desires outside of the law like building a new business, writing a book, becoming an artist, or anything else, you likely consume a lot of information. Consuming information for the sake of consuming is already creating noise that gets between you and taking action one your goal. A good rule of thumb is consuming 20% of the time and taking action 80% of the time.

– If you consume social media and news programs, AI generated content will fill the social media and TV streams. The news — already so deft at manipulating headlines — will get even more brazen to try to get attention. The key in the future will be discernment. Knowing what to pay attention to and what to ignore. Knowing what pertains to you and what does not.

Discernment about where you place your attention relies on quieting the internal noise. Knowing the most important work to be done, the most important decisions to make.

Feeling annoyed and irritated about people and things happening in the world makes it impossible to quiet the internal noise.

It also makes it impossible for you to have an internal state of well-being, which is the most important things of all.

Your well-being allows you to be better at your work, be a better human being, be more compassionate, be more confident.

Your internal well-being is everything, and one of the keys to maintaining it is letting go of the annoyances.

I do this work constantly.

Just before I sat down to write this podcast, I could feel irritation rising up in my body because there was so much noise in my house.

I just moved to Sedona, and I’m not completely settled into the house yet, so in addition to the noise, my home isn’t set up the way I like it.

But I needed to sit down and write this episode. It was really important to me. But I was so irritated, I couldn’t get anything done. My mind couldn’t get quiet.

So I sat down, but on my headphones, and took some deep breaths. I allowed myself to feel irritated but know that it wasn’t going to change my plan for this morning: write and record my podcast.

Notice what I didn’t do: I didn’t get upset at anyone making noise, I didn’t complain to anyone, I didn’t vent, I simply allowed myself to be still.

I let everything else that was happening around me happen.

I let everything outside of myself be.

When I could do that, I could calm myself.

When I could calm myself, I could ask myself what I needed ti get this episode recorded.

I was thinking about how when I said, “I put on my headphones” that could be changing the circumstance: making it more quiet externally.

Yes, and doing that was about what I did for myself NOT about trying to change other people which is often what feeling annoyed leads us to try to do.

Instead I asked myself what I needed and I gave it to myself. I created my own peace and happiness.

You can do this too.

I want to offer you a practice to do this week. This is a practice. This isn’t something you can hear once and absorb.

This may feel difficult at first, but notice how much peace you feel after just one week of doing this work.

After you’re done listening to this episode, I want you to take out a piece of paper and write down all of the people and events and things people do that when you think about them you feel annoyed or frustrated.

Re-read this list.

This is what you’re allowing to steal your time, your peace and your dreams.

Now, I want you to write down all the reasons why these annoyances are a gift.

I’m going to give you an example of this, so you’re not flying blind.

I did write these lists down when I was feeling annoyed with my mom.

Write down all the things that annoy you:

– mom repeats herself and it’s annoying that there’s always noise in the house
– mom watches the news
– she constantly talks when she’s doing things
– she tells me things that I don’t need to know – I’m going to make salad dressing and put it in this container

After you write it all done, why is this a gift?

I’m learning to manage my mind around distractions
I take responsibility for my peace and put headphones on
– I learn how to communicate my needs
– I learn how to discern whether a boundary would be helpful and how to implement that boundary ( tell her I may not respond to you when you ask questions when I’m being quiet. I love you and want to have quiet time too.)
– I’m grateful that I get to have her here now. I’ll miss these little things when we’re no longer here together

What is the most loving way I can approach this situation?

Listen because she just wants someone to hear her
Communicate what I need right now and let her know when I’ll be done, so we can talk more then
Let her know that I may not respond to her if she’s talking to me with the headphones on because I’m working

You’ll know you’ve hit upon a good solution because it will feel loving. It won’t feel angsty or angry.
When you learn the skill of managing yourself around any feeling, you take complete power over your life. You step into taking full responsibility for the results you create in your life. You step into being a powerful creator.

If you want to learn the skills to master yourself, so you can create the life, the peace, and the happiness that you crave, book a Strategy Session with me.

I’d love to do this work with you and clear up time, space and energy you need to build the business, write the book, step into the version of yourself you know is who you’re meant to become.

If you have any questions or topics you’d like to suggest for the podcast, message me at di**@*********do.com or DM me on Instagram @dina.cataldo

I hope you have a fabulous day, and I’ll talk to you next week.

Bye