Transcript: Staying Grounded in a Crisis

Hello my friend. Hello, how are you? I hope you are doing really well right now. I know things are a little bit crazy, but I'm going to tell you it's all going to be okay and I want to talk to you today about staying grounded in a crisis because as you probably have seen, there have been a lot of people who have been thrown for a loop.

And when we aren't taking care of ourselves and we're not taking care of how we're thinking, we let those emotions take over in a way that's unhealthy and it's important to know that we do have control over this. This is something that we can do something about. It's not as if we are helpless or that we can't figure out what to do and we aren't able to handle things and as a lawyer you probably are in a better position to help people and help yourselves. Then most of the people on the planet, I'm going to tell you right now that most people do not have the skills mentally and emotionally that lawyers have. I mean we made it through law school so we can make it through anything, but we still are going to be faced with some challenging emotions. We're still human beings after all and we're going to have feelings even though sometimes we want to deny them.

It's important that we don't deny them and that we understand them and we take a really close look at them so that we are not tempted or reacting in a way that is unhealthy. I see so much online right now about people who are bored. I actually had an attorney email me and said, Hey, are you bored right now? Like it must be awful for you. And I'm saying to myself no. I've got this entire side business that I've created for myself as a life coach. I'm creating things, I'm doing things. I'm putting myself out there on the internet. I'm engaging with people, connecting with people in a way that you know isn't possible for me when I'm at the office all day long. It's challenging in the sense that I feel strange not engaging with my coworkers every day or having something to work on as my lawyer self all day long.

But in terms of being able to connect with people and being able to be of service to people right now is such an amazing time. I've actually been on my website not too long before I got on this recording here and I saw that engagement or people coming onto my website has tripled basically this week as compared to other weeks. And it's because people are at home and they are looking for that solution to their problem and whatever that might be. And they are going on websites and they're stumbling along and they're looking for things right now. So if you are bored right now, if you're, if you're finding that you don't have a ton to do, go out and connect online. Don't go out and you know, within six feet of people you've gotta be safe. But you can go online and there's tons of opportunities right now to find your people, to find your clients and not even necessarily selling, but just being of service.

It's just so heartening to see all of the people online creating things. And you as a business owner are a creator. If you've got a law firm, you are a creator. And so it's your opportunity to create. But we can't do that when we are in this mental space of fear. And anxiety and that fear and anxiety will put us on the couch. It will take us out of commission. It'll have us eating potato chips all day long or watching, I don't know, reruns of whatever show you watch. But I want you to know that you can change things. So it was a life coach. I know that these feelings just come from a thought. That is what creates our feelings. And it feels like that thought is a true thing. Like the end of the world's coming, whatever it might be. Or you know, I don't have enough, and I've talked about this before in other podcasts, but I want you to recognize that it's just a thought.

And when we think things like, I should be better or they should be better, or I don't know what to do, those are all thoughts that are going to be really unhelpful for us. So if we can start changing that thought and instead asking ourselves, why do I think that? Oh, that's interesting. I wonder why. I think that when we start creating these more helpful questions, then we can begin getting into a better space. And that will also help connect us with that feeling. So remember when I was saying like we're so easily disconnected from our feelings. I think lawyers in particular are kind of, we built ourself that way. We have designed ourselves so that we can power through whatever it is that we are feeling because we got to get the job done. No matter how angry we are, sad, we are whatever is going on in our life.

We have got to get the job done and we don't sit and feel the feelings. All right, but I'm going to ask you to feel the feelings after. I want you to feel the feelings. And it sounds really, you know, strange. And even when I started getting into this work, it insane. But once I started understanding that those feelings are just a vibration in my body, it was easier for me to sit in those feelings and just feel them. We want to get up and we want to clean something. We want to keep moving around. We want to keep I don't know, whatever it is that you're doing right now to take your mind off things. Instead of thinking about what we're feeling and understanding what we're feeling and what thought is creating that feeling, it's really easy to ignore it. So I want you to actually notice your feelings and sit with them.

You can sit with them for five minutes or 30 minutes. You just sit there and you notice them and you have compassion for yourself. Just know this is how you are supposed to be feeling right now. Whatever you're feeling right now is the right feeling. You don't have to rush to change it. You don't have to rush to ignore it. Just know that it's the right feeling right now. Okay? So that's staying grounded in yourself is really connecting with the feeling that you are having. And only then will you be able to move through it rather than just skipping over it because it's never going to go away. It's always going to be in your body. In fact, one of the things I learned when I was going through yoga teacher training and just my general yoga practice is how much emotion is actually stored in our muscular tissues.

So when you find yourself tight in different areas of your body, it is oftentimes because of some unprocessed emotion. It sounds really like strange and woo, but it's not. It's actually a great relief when you start stretching those muscles out. When you start really getting into them, you'll find yourself releasing some emotion and that tension and that builds up over time. So law school, that's probably still in your muscles right now. All the bar exam stuff, probably still in there too. So, so just know that this is one step to staying grounded is actually feeling all the feelings. All right? The second thing I want you to do is write down all the thoughts you're having. So once you recognize your feelings, then the next thing is to say, okay, well what am I thinking right now? That's going to be the key to understanding all the feelings that you're having.

Why do you think you should be better? Why do you think they should be better? Why do you think you don't know what to do? Ask yourself all those questions because then what you're doing is you're creating some distance between you and your thoughts and you're helping your brain. Your brain becomes the observer rather than in the thick of things. Because when we're thinking things, we're just kind of like on a roller coaster, right? You ever notice your brain kind of just brings up the same stuff over and over and over again? I mean, we have 60,000 thoughts a day. Most of them are the exact same ones. They're just repetitions. So when you start noticing them, when you write them down, then you're going to start noticing them and you're going to be able to weed out the ones you don't want to have anymore.

Now, this takes some time. I want you to recognize that this isn't overnight. And what you will start noticing though is you'll start seeing the same thoughts and you'll see how unhelpful they are and how destructive they can be. And then you can begin weeding them out and say, you know what? I don't want to think that anymore. I don't like how that feels because these thoughts, every single one of them is what's creating the feeling in your body. Now when you write all the thoughts down that you're having, I want you to then start thinking about alternative thoughts like what might somebody else be thinking about that person, giving them the benefit of the doubt. What might somebody be thinking about you giving you the benefit of the doubt and this is going to open you up to alternative thoughts and different perspectives. Things like, I'm doing the best I can.

They're doing the best they can. I can figure anything out. Your brain is going to revolt, okay? Your brain is going to say what? That does not even make sense, that that is not true and all that is is cognitive dissonance. It's taking one bot that you have, which you totally believe is true and facing it up against another thought that your brain saying what? That can't possibly be true. The fact is is that none of the thoughts are true. If you want to get really deep, all of these thoughts are optional. They're all imaginary. Everything that we think is imaginary, it's all interpretations of what's going on in the world. We don't operate on facts in our brain. Our brain is making interpretations of facts. It's coming up with stories and reasons and all of these things based on our past experiences rather than dealing in reality.

It's trying to extrapolate what the truth is, but our thoughts are just coming up with interpretations. So I mean if you haven't done this kind of work before, this is the kind of work that gets all mind bendy cause you're thinking, wow, everything that I'm thinking is an illusion. Oh the thoughts other people are thinking are an illusion. We're all having our own interpretation of the reality in front of us. So when you start thinking of it that way, things become a little bit easier to digest. You start to kind of look at everything with a different light. You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give yourself more compassion because you recognize that if you're not giving other people compassion, you're probably being really hard on yourself. And when you start seeing that everybody's having a different interpretation of what's going on in the world, then you can say, you know what?

Let's take a breather here. Let me take a look at what's really happening. What are the different ways other people could be thinking about the exact same facts? All right, so then before thing is to go through your day and notice when you're feeling fear and anxiety. Is it first thing in the morning? Is it when you're in interacting with certain people in your household? I know that a lot of people are in the house with more people than usual for longer periods of time, and this might be triggering for you and that's okay. What you're going to do is you're going to use this as an exercise. Okay, we're going to use this for the greater good. You're going to look at when you are snapping at people, is it more often in the morning? Is it more often when you're interacting with certain people, how are you showing up?

Are you being extra controlling, maybe even unreasonably controlling even for you? Because that is a signal that you've got some fear and anxiety that's popping up at different points in the day. And then you can just use that as another way to recognize what you're feeling. I'm watching my dog, like as I'm recording this podcast, he's just wandering around. He doesn't know what to do with mom over here on the, on the microphone here, he's just kind of wandering around. It's kinda sad guys. It's kinda sad. All right, so, so this one is, is you're going to go through your day and you're going to notice your routine. And when you start getting kind of controlling or angry, maybe a little snappy or irritable and start recognizing when it's showing up most with the people I'm with, the time of day with what you're doing. And that's just going to give you that one extra layer of awareness of what's going on in your brain.

And the fifth thing is it's just wash, rinse and repeat. Okay. So one, you're going to feel the fields. Okay? Number two, you're going to write down all of your thoughts. You're going to ask yourself, you know why you know all the things you're thinking like, and they just keep asking yourself, what else am I thinking? What else am I thinking right now? And then the third thing you're going to do is you're going to start writing down the alternative thoughts. Cause remember everything that we think is optional, it's not the truth, it's just our interpretation of what's happening. So what might someone else be thinking? So someone else in business right now might be thinking, Oh, this was such a horrible time to promote my practice. While there are so many other people out there who are saying, this is the perfect time to promote my practice, when I have so many opportunities to connect with people online and they're just waiting for me to help solve their problem.

So there are alternative thoughts there. And the next thing. The fourth thing that you're going to do is go through your day and just notice when you feel kind of snappy, when you feel a little extra controlling your irritable, because that's going to help you bring that awareness to what's going on in your body. And that's really what being grounded is all about. It's about connecting with your body and it's about taking the time to understand the thoughts that are creating those emotions in your body. And when we see how we behave, right? Like I walked you through that little exercise, like noticing when during the day you're a little snappy. Those are the actions that are brought on by our feelings, like it's all connected. Our thoughts are creating our feelings and our feelings are then instigating the actions that we're taking in our life.

So I want you to get really into this. I want you to take this as an opportunity to watch your mind at work. I want you to understand exactly what's going on right now because when you start practicing this, it becomes easier and easier. I'm not saying that one day you're going to walk around all Zen and happy and all that all the time, but I am going to tell you that you're going to have more opportunities for that. You're going to feel that grounded sensation easier and easier. It's going to become easier to connect with yourself and when you can connect with yourself easier, easier. Does that sound right? I don't know. I've said that word so many times. It doesn't sound like English now, but when you are connecting with yourself on a more regular basis, it becomes easier to connect with other people.

I hope that makes sense. I want you to really take this to heart because when you stay grounded in any crisis, whether it's this, whether it's you know, a medical emergency for a family member or anything else that's that goes on in your life, it's important to connect with yourself and notice what's going on with yourself is going to impact how you respond to everything going on in your life. I hope this episode has been helpful. If you want to connect with me, come to Instagram where I spend the most time you can go to at Dina dot Cataldo to connect with me. I'm also going to link to some resources in the podcast. You can go to Dina cataldo.com forward slash 94 I'm going to link to some resources that will really help you stay grounded in any kind of situation where you feel stressed.

It's a resource I want to provide because I know that you're searching for something. We are all searching for something. That person who can connect with us and say just the right thing at just the right time, and I'm hoping that I can provide a little bit of that for you. I hope you have a wonderful week. I'll talk to you soon. Hey, if you enjoy this podcast, I offer one on one coaching using my be a better lawyer framework. That's where we rewire your brain to help you create the life and the practice that you want. Go to Dina cataldo.com to schedule a strategy session.