Transcript: Loving Yourself More with Dina Cataldo

Hello, my friend, how are you today? I am enjoying the brief moment of spring that we get here in Northern California, or at least in Sacramento. I'm used to Southern California where we get a nice drawn out spring, but in Sacramento you blink and you miss it it's summer before you know it. So I'm loving all the beautiful flowers popping out. I have this lovely garden. If you've been with me on Instagram, you know, that I like to post videos of my garden and all the crazy things CRA do, but I yeah, I'm really enjoying it.

I hope you're letting yourself enjoy whatever kind of weather you're having right now. Hopefully you have some lovely blooms coming up, but that's just me. That is my thing. That's how I connect with myself and how I remind myself that there is so much more life than work, right? And today I wanna talk to you about the common denominator I see between lawyers and you know, this was me too lawyers who overwork tell themselves they don't have enough. Time are hesitant to raise their rates who are hesitant to go after that area of practice, that they've been wanting to grow for a while, hesitant to do work in a field where they are really drawn to and instead go after fields, exclusively for the money. Again, nothing wrong with money. I love money, but there is a part of us. That's drawn to things for a reason.

And if we ignore that, we're shutting something down. And so that calm denominator that I see is that we don't value ourselves enough. We don't love ourselves enough. And it wasn't even something that was on my radar. When I was getting into learning about starting my own business on top of my law practice, like all I saw was the work. All I wanted was the financial security. All I saw was that I needed to work harder. And so what I thought was the answer to that was to do more work and to work harder and to find better things to do in my business, in my law practice, I needed to do things differently, which yes, I did need to do things differently. But the foundation for that was to honor myself, to love myself, to realize that what I want mattered, right? Like what I desired was important.

And unfortunately we're not supported at, in this. So you we've all gotta do it on our own. No one is gonna support us in this, unless we're looking actively for that support, which is what coaching is, right? It's that support to go after what you want to learn, what you need to learn. So you can create what you want in your life and the foundation, right? That common denominator is valuing what you want. And I remember, you know, as a kid, what I wanted was not what mattered, what mattered was going after a career that was gonna be financially secure. It was a sure thing. And to do that, you had to work hard and you, and for me was a law school path. For me, it was going into a 15 year career as a criminal prosecutor. And for you, it might look a little bit different, right?

For you. It might look like going towards, you know, a, an area of law that doesn't particularly interest you, but you think, well, there's money in that. So I, I should do that. The thing is is you can create money, whatever it is you are being called to do. And if you're being called to be a lawyer, why not practice the areas that you want? And if you think it's, it's the money that you're not gonna make enough of it, I call BS on that because what it is, is the way that you think about the law, the area of law that you're practicing, and it all comes down to not valuing what you want, not loving yourself enough, and then trusting yourself to make it happen. And I know this sounds maybe airy fairy to you, right? As if there's not it's not substance, cuz you're used to like working something tangible in the world and it's not mindset, right?

Like it's like, no, if I just work harder, if I just do this different calendar system, if I just implement this new planning system, if I just get an assistant, who's gonna handle all of it for me. So I don't have to think about it and I don't have to learn it. Then everything will be better versus learning to value what you want and then valuing and loving yourself so much that you're gonna go after what you want, go towards what you want and trusting yourself that you were gonna figure it out. That's what I had to do. Like I had to learn that what I wanted mattered had to figure out what I wanted. Right? Like I, I had to first value myself enough to go after what I wanted, but at the same time I needed to figure it out. And I needed to trust myself and say, look, this isn't exactly what I want.

I'm being called to something else. How can I make that work? It may mean that you practice an area of law that you're not thrilled with so that you can subsidize a practice of law that you are thrilled with. It doesn't mean it's a, it's not one or the other, right? It's not the black and white thinking we've talked about here before. It's not like, oh, I either practice this area of, you know, I don't know, family law that I, I dislike, but I'm making money at, I trust that the money's coming or going towards the immigration law practice that you want, the estate planning practice that you want. It's not one or the other. You can incorporate them. And the only reason that we wouldn't do that, the only reason we would ignore what we want is because we don't value what we want. We don't think that what we want really matters. And I'm telling you right now, now it does. It fuels everything that you do. And if you don't notice it, it's only because you're not paying attention. If you feel yourself, resentful, annoyed, and frustrated all the time, Chances are, there's something inside of you. You, that you're ignoring.

And I did this for a long time. So no judgment. It's just time. If you're listening to this podcast to start asking yourself questions, why, why do I feel so resentful? Is it because that client was annoying and you know, said X, Y, Z? Or is it because I'm not going after what I want that I'm and that I'm like suppressing it. And sometimes I'll talk to clients and they'll come to me and they'll want, you know, they'll want to work more. Right? Cause they think that's the answer working more. And I'll say, look, I'm not prepared to like teach you how to work hard. I am prepared to help you learn how to go after what you truly want and help you get it, help you build the mindset that you need to create what you want. Cause I'm in the creation business, Hey, I'm in the business of helping you Find what you want and go after it with your whole heart. And it's scary. And it feels really big and it feels really hard and it's amazing. And it's like the biggest adventure of our lives growing into the person that we are meant to be.

And it breaks my, my heart when I think about, I am kind of, yeah, I get, I'm getting a little emotional here because it does, it breaks my heart. When I hear lawyers who feel defeated, who feel like they have no hope, they think there's something wrong with them, that they're doing things wrong, that they are somehow defective. And I think I felt that way, like actually is a newer attorney because it seemed like everybody was doing things better or, you know, doing things in a way that they seemed happier. You know, I was trying to figure it out. And what I learned about myself is that I wasn't creating space to figure out what I wanted, think about what I wanted and then value it. Instead. I was just grind myself. I was working weekends and nights and getting there early and waking up late because I didn't wanna get up.

And I kept hitting snooze and I kept, you know, procrastinating on building my business and I felt guilty for not doing the work. And I thought there was really something defective and I learned is that I wasn't giving air time. I wasn't giving space to what I even really wanted because I thought that what I was doing, what was right in front of me was it, that was the only option that it was just too hard and too scary. And it didn't make sense for me to stop. I needed to pay my law school loans. I needed to do this. I needed to do that. I had responsibilities, blah, blah, blah.

And so I needed to figure out what it is I wanted and I needed to start experimenting. And that's exactly what I did. I started experimenting with a business, right? Like if you've listened for a while, you know, that has probably been about seven years now. I started a tea business online. I did everything. I had help with branding and you know, created content for it. And I, I really had a fun time learning. It was my learning process for what I wanted to do later. Cause I figured out, oh, I don't really want a physical thing. And I really am into this mindset stuff. That's happening with building a business? Like what is this? I've never heard about this stuff before. And I needed to go through that and I needed to learn how to manage my time and my mind. And that was what led me to where I am today.

So I certainly don't regret the time, the energy, the money that I spent doing all of the at, because I needed to experience that in order to understand that what I wanted mattered, that the direction I wanted to take myself was important. That those little urges that I felt and I, I didn't have to overthink them. Right. Like I wasn't like, oh, what do I do next? You know, it's like, oh, I, I want to experience a business. I want to create things. I want to know how to grow things. I wanna, I wanna build an income for myself. I want freedom. I don't wanna be tied to a desk all day. I wanna be able to go on a walk in the middle of the day. I don't want that. The biggest deal in my life is that one hour at the law, the, the office that I had and maybe your office too, that one hour, a week, that somebody is teaching yoga.

Be the only time I have a break, you know, or, you know, that's the idea of work and life. It doesn't, it didn't make sense to me. It doesn't make sense. Like what makes sense is understanding what we want and going after it and making it happen no matter how hard it sounds, no matter, you know, the tier that we shed because we know it's worth it. Cuz I can tell you a hundred percent, like when things are hard. Now when I am building my practice up, it is not my coaching practice. It's not the same kind of hard as grinding myself into the ground for somebody else for doing something that I didn't, I didn't have my heart in. I was great at it. I know I contributed, but what my heart was telling me is like, look, I'm really helping people more coaching them.

Like I'm seeing the transformations. I'm seeing how they're starting to love themselves more and talk to themselves more more lovingly. And that, that is actually helping them in their practice, building their practice, going towards the practice areas. They want to build making their lives easier instead of killing themselves, learning how to hire people and integrating them, not just throwing the practice at a new assistant and saying, Hey, you, you figure this out for me. Okay? I don't like all this stuff. Instead. They're learning to become leaders. They're learning how to step into the fulfillment of who they are meant to be. And that's the work I do on myself. That's the work I help my client. And that to me is what feels fulfilling. So it's up to you to ask yourself what feels fulfilling to you? What do you want to go after?

What lights you up? Right. I hear that sometimes. And I'm like, I don't know what lights you up. Right? It sounds kind of funny. I'm like, no, seriously. Like if you are currently working in like contracts and you're like, I hate contracts. This is the worst. I really wish I had like a research job that did you know that involved the environment? Why would you just stay in contracts? Like why wouldn't you also explore the idea of moving into the practice area that you wanna move into? Why not? What is your brain telling you? Is it telling you that it's not possible? That it's hard. That it's, that it's not worth it, that you need to pay your bills now. So there's no point dreaming. Like what is that voice in your head saying, cuz I'll tell you right now. It's just a thought our thoughts are optional.

And the only way to change anything in our lives is to see that our thoughts are optional. That we're not lazy. That we're add people that we're not irresponsible, right? That we're not taking care of the people around us. Right? And this, this is something else that I see this common denominator, right? Of not caring about ourselves or valuing ourselves enough. It's giving our time to everyone else except selves. We don't go after what we want. We don't take care of ourselves. We don't raise our rates because we are too worried about someone else and what they might think of us. Like really start to look into your life and ask yourself, where could I love myself more? Where could I give myself more space to be me to value myself? Where am I not valuing my time? My energy, my money,

My brain power. Am I spending my brain power and areas of my life that I just don't care about? I was thinking about this this morning. I was like, I have some clothes that I just don't like to wear. And they're in my closet and my brain power is taken away. Cuz I'm thinking, well, maybe I'll try that this time. And I put it on. And then I'm like, I don't like this. And then I take it off. And I'm like, okay, this time for real, it's relegated to this pile. We're getting rid of it.

Why not take that mentality and start looking at every area of our life. One at a time and saying, this is not what I want. This is what I want. That's how it started with me. It started that way with just looking at my mornings. I don't wanna wake up frazzled anymore. I wanna wake up and have time to be calm and collected. How do I make that happen? How do I design my life? And you take it step by step. It doesn't have to happen all at once. It doesn't have to be like, you turn your life upside down. You just start loving yourself a little bit more every single day. Anytime you start noticing yourself saying, oh, I can't do that. Or, oh, I'm never gonna be able to, oh, that sounds so hard. Notice it, notice that it's a thought and say, what if it's hard and that's okay. What if

I have a lot that I need to learn in order to do that? And that's okay. That's my growth. Because when you start caring about what you want, when you start valuing yourself, you start loving yourself more. You are gonna start being able to do those hard things and you're gonna go after them with your full energy, your full attention and whole heart, because you love them that much. You're that passionate about it. It's amazing. And it's hard and it's so worth it. And so I hope you will take this to heart that you will take this as an invitation to start evaluating where you may not be valuing yourself, your time, your energy, all of that, where you may not be valuing yourself enough. So it's preventing you from going after what you want. That's it. All you gotta do is love yourself more. It that easy. And it's that hard.

Okay. My friend, I hope you have a wonderful day. If you want help with this, if you're hearing this episode and you're like, yeah, I need that. I need that up level in my consciousness. In my awareness. I am here for you. That it's what I do with my clients. Book a call with me, go to Dena, cataldo.com/strategy session. That's Dena cataldo.com/strategy session. And there you can book a call with me and during our call, we will look at exactly what's going on in your life. And I will share with you how I can work with you to help you go after what you want. All right. I hope you have a wonderful day and I will talk to you soon. Bye.