Transcript: Resisting the Process with Dina Cataldo

Hello there —

The last two weeks have been all about finding your process even when you're confused.

Even when your brain says it can't be done.

They were all about problem-solving, so be sure you listen to those episodes. I'll link to them in the show notes for this episode.

This episode is about resisting that process.

We only resist a process because of how we think it will make us feel.

We avoid the gym because we think we'll feel bored.

We avoid difficult conversations because we'll feel uncomfortable or we're afraid we'll feel shame or sadness if that conversation ends a relationship.

We avoid building our business because we're afraid of the shame we'll feel if it doesn't work.

We want things to just happen.

That would be so much easier.

We think,

“Isn't that how it should work?”

“Shouldn't this be easier?”

“Other areas of my life come so naturally to me, this one shouldn't be so hard.”

We're filled with uncertainty because and don't want to take the first steps because we're not 100% sure that our process will work.

There's no such thing as 100% certainty in life. Even taxes due on April 15th isn't a certainty – look at the pandemic, right?

Unfortunately, people get what they want in life because they're willing to feel all the feelings.

Even the painful ones like shame, uncertainty, doubt, fear.

They make educated guesses on whether their plan will work, then they get to work.

It's getting into action that creates results.

Results give us more information, so it's important that we get into action.

A strategy not work? It's time to pivot.

You won't have that information until you get into action on your first plan.

The first 50 posts on Instagram didn't generate business.

Then you analyze your results and realize you're not making offers!

I'm not even kidding. I did this in my business, and my coach saw I wasn't making offers.

As soon as I started making offers, I saw a difference, but it wasn't the impact I wanted.

Then I analyzed my work, studied my copy, and I started writing better copy in my posts.

Then I saw a bigger difference.

I wouldn't have that data unless i just started.

This is going to be the same for you.

Before we jump in, I want to invite you to book a call with me.

When we're coached, we can't help but think differently and get different results.

You get guidance on what to look at in your practice or your life that's the clog in the drain.

Then you can see the clog and get the water flowing again.

You can book a call with me at https://dinacataldo.com/strategysession

There's no reason to feel stuck. You can get out of confusion and get moving again. I'll show you how.

Now, let's dive in on what it takes to stop resisting the process and start taking action.

The first thing to know is that the only reason you're not be taking action is because of how you believe you'll feel.

This may be difficult to believe because sometimes we think, “After the work is done, I'll feel so good.” Or we'll think, “But I planned it. Shouldn't that just mean I do it? Is there something wrong with me?”

Nothing has gone wrong.

Our brains don't like anything that sounds hard, then we get into habits of not telling our brain who's boss.

I don't always feel like sitting down to write a podcast, but I do it. It's part of my process. My brain says it's hard and that it'll do it later. I tell my brain that wants to whine and complain that I can either sit there staring at a wall or get to work.

Sometimes that means taking baby steps: get the laptop, set up the recording area, write some notes. Once I get moving then it's easier to overcome the resistance.

I love this analogy of our primal brains being like toddlers with a pair of scissors. We can either let the toddler run around with them tearing stuff up, or we can grab the scissors.

When you tell your brain what to do, you're grabbing the scissors.

I had a client tell me she was avoiding discovery in her cases. It's part of her process for getting her work done. Her brain makes it very hard. It sounds so boring to her brain. It wants to do anything but the discovery. Instead of taking the scissors from the toddler, she lets her brain take over and tell her what to do.

All that's happened is that her brain has decided it doesn't like feeling bored, and has taken over.

But what if we allowed ourselves to feel bored?

Literally you tell yourself you can either stare at this wall or do discovery. You can't think about anything else except the crevices on the wall or the paint color.

Sitting with that emotion will let you understand boredom is not the end of the world.

Let's look at the last episode.

Your brain may have wanted to avoid doing the work in the last couple episodes because it sounds boring.

Your brain may be saying, “Can't you just tell me what to do?”

It wants things easy.

Problem-solving requires a different skill-set.

It require sitting with the discomfort of being bored or it feeling hard, and doing it anyway.

It requires taking the scissors from the toddler, so you can get to work.

One of the examples I gave last week was about relationships. Part of the process of having an improved relationship may be having more difficult conversations. Your brain probably won't want to have them. It wants to avoid the pain of feeling rejected or the shame of failure.

What I offer to you is that you let your brain go there and feel those feelings. Process that emotion BEFORE you have the conversations.

One last example I want to give is that when I decided I wanted to build a business I had a lot of feelings come up. I had even more emotions come up when I decided to leave the law. I had to feel them instead of resist them to take action. I had insecurities and fears about how much money I had in the bank. I questioned whether I'd feel safe leaving. Safety is a big deal for our brain – it's the prime directive. I had to feel the insecurity and watch it. I had to become the observer of how I felt in my body and notice it. The more I noticed it, the more I understood that I created safety. The more I had my back no matter what my choice. I decided to leave because I knew I would be safe no matter what. That took me seeing the insecurities and fears and feeling them.

We think having the money will help us feel insecure. It's not the money. It's the way we process our feelings about what the money means to us.

If you're a client of mine, I sent you a video of what it might look like to process an emotion.

I've also talked to you before in this episode about processing emotions in episode #107, which I'll link to in the show notes.

This is really a difficult skill for those of us who were taught to work through emotion or avoid emotion with sleeping, eating, playing on our phones. All of those activities are numbing out, but we really need to be tuning in.

I want to offer you all another resource — especially for the men who are listening. I just heard a great podcast with Brooke Castillo and Ryan Moran. It's the Life Coach School Podcast called Success and Your Feelings. They have a great conversation in that episode about how to process emotions, what it can look like, and how it's made them lots of money. I'll link to that in the show notes too.

Processing our emotions is essential if we want to get into action fueled by something other than stress or pressure.

The goal isn't to will-power ourselves through but to remind ourselves who's in charge of our brain.

The goal isn't to avoid feeling pain, it's to process the emotions, so you can get to work.

We on'y do or don't do something because of how we think it will make us feel.

Pinpoint what emotion you believe you're avoiding, and feel into it.

This takes patience and practice and compassion for yourself.

Sometimes I'll hear people being afraid to let the emotion in because they think it will take over their life.

Not at all.

It gives us so much power because then when we notice we're resisting the process, we can step back, ask ourselves why, and allow ourselves to see it's just an emotion preventing us from action.

Then we have a way out.

The more we practice it, the better we get at it.

I promise you, my friend. This is a necessary part of the process.

If you want help with ths, book a call with me. You'll this and other tools more in depth, so you can implement them in your own life and get more of the outcomes you want.

You can book a call with me at https://dinacataldo.com/strategysession

Thank you for listening, and I hope you have a great week.