Transcript: Indulging in Confusions with Dina Cataldo
Hello hello — This is gonna be a good one today, my friend. This episode is gold, and it's going to be a three parter. This is some of the most important work any of us will do, in my opinion. Learning when we're indulging in confusion and then intentionally navigating our brain out of it.
Today you're going to learn where you may be indulging in confusion preventing you from getting outcomes you want in your life whether it's in your relationships, your law practice, your health. I'm going to give you the mindset tools to do this work on your own and create a process for getting the results you want over the course of the next few episode. Be sure you're subscribed in your app where you're listening, so you don't miss any of them.
If you're one of my clients listening to this episode, do the work in these episodes applying it to what you're working on right now. Then when you come to me, I'm helping you with your high level work when you come to your next session.
In next week's episode I'm going to talk about creating the process you need to refocus your brain on what's going to get your closer to the outcome you want, and in the episode after that I'll talk to you about resisting the process.
What is indulging in confusion?
It's just like it sounds. It's the brain staying in a confused state. Our brain likes to be confused.
Indulging in confusion is not taking the next step to get out of confusion. It's staying stuck.
Our brain likes to be confused.
It feels easy.
Confusion is easy.
It takes way less energy than knowing what you want and going after it 100%.
There's zero risk when we feel confused. Because if we're confused, we don't have to take any action towards the outcome we want.
You'll know you're in confusion when you say anything that sounds vague.
When you notice this, that's your cue to question whether you're indulging in confusion.
If I hear any of these in a client call or if I see myself writing anything like this down in my journal, I know the brain wants to indulge in confusion:
– “I don't know.”
– “I don't know where to start.”
– “I don't know what to do.”
– “I don't know what I should charge.” – I had a client tell me that she didn't know what to charge for a flat rate service. She was indulging in confusion and instead of deciding on a rate and selling herself on why it was valuable, her brain wanted to stay stuck in “I don't know.”
– “This could be better.”
– “I could be better.” – I saw myself thinking this the other day. It took me 10 minutes of journaling on a topic, and then this one came out of my pen, and I was like, “What?” Then I got into problem-solving mode because I saw that my brain wanted to indulge in confusion and tell me I wasn't good enough because that was the easy out.
– “They could be better.”
– “I should do more.”
– “I should be able to [fill in the blank]…”
– “I should be further along.”
Any time you're unsure or feel doubt, this is a time to pay attention. Check in with yourself.
Let me show you examples of where indulging in confusion may show up.
– “I don't do enough to make the money I want.”
– “My relationship should/could be better.”
– “I should/could be a better lawyer.”
If you think these, you may have practiced these thoughts a lot, so they probably feel really true to you. That's all a belief is. It's a thought we've practiced over and over until it feels true. It becomes our reality.
The brain stops at this point, and instead of taking impactful actions, it does the easy work of blaming ourselves for not working hard enough, blaming our partner for not doing the things we think they should do, and telling ourselves that we're horrible people.
It's easier for our brain to point the finger than it is to look inside and ask ourselves the hard questions that require us to get out of indulging in confusion and into problem-solving mode to get the outcomes we want.
This is where thought work comes in. Thought work – mindset work – coaching – whatever you want to call it — focuses on how we process the thoughts in our mind to get a better result for ourselves.
A thought is a sentence that runs through the brain.
That sentence in your brain create a feeling, and the feelings fuel our actions.
The thoughts …
– “I don't do enough to make the money I want.”
– “My relationship should be better.”
– “I could be a better lawyer.”
… don't get us anywhere. When we think these thoughts, we feel powerless to change things.
They don't problem-solve.
They're a dead end.
They may feel true, but they won't get you more money, a better relationship or more confidence as an attorney.
Once you notice these thoughts, know that they are just thoughts. They don't mean anything about you.
I'm going to show you how to question these thoughts this week, and next week I'm going to walk you through how to pull out your process for getting the result you want.
Let's start with “I don't do enough to make the money I want.”
What exactly does that mean? What does your brain tell you the amount of money you want to make is. Be specific.
Then, what does your brain tell you that you should be doing to make that money?
– promoting your business?
– speaking to more people at events?
– writing guest blogs?
– starting a podcast?
– contacting attorneys in your area to let them know about your services?
– working more hours?
– raising your rates?
– starting a side-hustle?
– investing in real-estate?
Write down everything your brain says you should be doing to make that money.
Next week we're going to look at creating the process, and we'll use this information to do that.
We'll do one more, and I'll save the third example for next week.
If your brain tells you that your relationship could be better, what does that mean?
– does that mean more sex? If so, how many times a week?
– more communication? what does that mean exactly? who initiates? what do you talk about?
– more time with your partner? what does that mean specifically? vacations? how many a year? how long are they? where do you go? date nights? when do you want them? how long?
– what else? what is your brain telling you would make your relationship better?
All I want you to do this week is notice when you're indulging in confusion. Then ask your brain to get specific about what that vague thought hints to you. It won't want to. It knows that if it gets specific that there's probably going to be work on the other side of this, and it's right. Because you'll see things you didn't see before, and when you see it, then you either do something about it or you settle. You get to choose. If you're going to be uncomfortable either way, my belief is that it's better to be uncomfortable and get what I want than settle and feel uncomfortable in my own skin.
Find me on Instagram @dina.cataldo and let me know where your brain is indulging in confusion. Feel free to ask me any questions you have. I guarantee you that you're not the only one who has them. Message me and tell me where you're noticing that your brain tells you something vague like it “could be better.”
How do you know it's vague?
It's a dead-end thought.
For instance, “I don't do enough to make the money I want.”
What does that even mean?
What does “enough” mean?
How much money do you want? This year? Next year? Three years from now?
If your brain isn't saying, “The actions I'm taking now won't bring me $200,000 this year,” then your thought is vague. If you have facts, you can solve for them.
Next week we're going to talk about creating the process to problem-solve for yourself to achieve the outcome you want. So if you're thinking any of those vague thoughts, you can get specific, and from that specificity make a game plan to implement to get what you want whether it's more money, a better relationship, more confidence, whatever it is.
And if you're ready to get help with this and do the high-level work I do with my clients, book a call with me. You can book a call at dinacataldo.com/strategysession
This is the uncomfortable work that is necessary if we want to grow.
Take care of yourself, my friend, and I'll talk to you next week.