Transcript: Allowing Possibility: Creating a Vision for Your Future with Dina Cataldo
Hello, my friend.
I'm so excited to announce something to you.
I've told very few people, but I'm going to tell you.
Before I do though, I want to make sure you've downloaded Calendar Management 101 for Lawyers. You'll learn the keys to making more time for yourself to make space to allow the kind of possibility I'm talking about in this podcast.
We can't dream big unless we give ourselves time to do it. If we allow ourselves to be trapped in our circumstances, we won't take the actions we need to take to make the change we want.
If you're overwhelmed or stressed out with your case load, go to www.dincataldo.com/calendar101 to get instant access to the training.
Okay, let's talk about possibility. This episode is about allowing possibility, and I wouldn't be making the changes I'm making in my life right now if I hadn't allowed myself to be open to possibility years ago.
Allowing possibility let me have a tiny seed of a dream, and then nurture it until I could build the capacity to have what I wanted.
Our ability to open up to possibility directly corresponds to our capacity to have what we want.
That makes sense. We can't have what we want unless we know what we want…and what we don't want.
Years ago I opened up myself to the possibility that I would stop practicing the law and do something else.
I wasn't sure what that would be, and I had a lot of thoughts about whether it would even be possible for me to do so. I had law school debt, credit card debt, a mortgage. I was living 100% from my circumstances.
But allowing possibility and building the capacity helped me do something a lot of people only dream of.
Last week I let my employer know that my last day at the office will be January 4th 2022.
I'll be talking more about all the background that went into making that decision and all the mind drama that I needed to work through over the years to get to this point in other episodes.
The reason I'm telling you this here is because we're talking about possibility, and so many of us don't allow ourselves to think about possibility. Instead we stay in “realistic land.”
We have general desires that we don't think about much like love, safety, ease, maybe a a desire for more time.
Few people take the time to open up to possibility and think about what they really want above their basic needs and wants.
Even fewer of us take the steps necessary to build the capacity to have what we want.
We hold ourselves back from opening ourselves up to possibility.
I believe it's because doing so requires huge mental effort to override our hard wired primal programming — the need for love, safety and ease.
We want to love and be loved. We want to feel that we belong. Going after what we want may mean we're judged by others. They may disagree with our choices. We may let them talk us out of what we want if we haven't built the capacity to trust ourselves. We fear losing love if we go after what we want.
We want safety. Where we are right now and what we've done so far has kept us safe. If we change the rules, we're scared we may be unsafe. We may no longer have the roof over our head or the food on our table. We haven't built the capacity to make a decision and have our own back.
We want ease and calm. Having a big dream jeopardizes that because things will change. There's no way around that. You'll need to learn skills you've never had a reason to learn before like overriding the fear of losing love and safety. We need to built the capacity to have what we want by building new skill sets. That means making time from seemingly thin air. It means stop living from circumstances and allowing possibility that we have the time we need.
If we're overwhelmed and feel like we don't have enough time to handle our case loads and deal with everything life sends to us, even thinking about a new dream may feel stressful. Because you're thinking you can't possibly make time to go after a dream. You tell yourself it's impossible and you fail before you even begin.
I'll ask new clients what they want, and they'll tell me, “I don't know. I just want to stop feeling overwhelmed.”
I tell them, “Perfect you're in the right place. We're going to handle that during our time together, but what if I could wave a magic wand, and could give you anything you wanted. What would it be?”
Just changing the way I ask that question cracks their mind open to possibility. They're able to say they want to practice a different kind of law or do something completely unrelated to the law. They can tell me they have a goal to make more money and have fewer clients. They can tell me they want to build a completely different business or write a book. In that moment, their eyes light up, but they don't believe it's possible for them yet. Verbalizing it puts it out there and writing down what they want gives them a new point of focus.
They're no longer focused on why everything in their life is so hard and instead begin to focus on why they want to make it easier for themselves.
Take a moment and ask yourself what you would do if I waved a magic wand for you and make anything happen for you. What would you want?
If that doesn't open your mind to possibilities, I want you to imagine someone you look up to. What would you do if you had their courage?
If you answer these questions truly, you'll never come up with an answer that's beyond your reach.
I don't believe that we're ever given a dream that is entirely out of reach. Maybe we achieve it and maybe we don't, but it's a possibility for us if we focus on it.
Your dream may be beyond your reach in this very second because you haven't yet built your capacity to have it, but you have the ability to build that capacity.
My clients are open to possibility, but they don't yet have the capacity to have what they want. They come to me with one or several dreams, and they want help making them happen.
I help them build the capacity to have what they want.
One of my clients is building the capacity to have a practice where she practices several months out of the country.
She didn't know HOW to do it, she just knew that she wanted it.
Now she's recognizing that she's generating the income she wants, and she's discovering the systems she can put into place and the decisions she needs to make to make it happen for herself. I have no doubt that she's going to do it.
Coaching compresses timelines because we're not just sitting back dreaming about “one day.” We take serious action when we have someone in our corner cheering us on and helping us along build the capacity to have along the way.
That capacity may be how we need to think about obstacles and overcome them, making decisions from an empowered place, thinking differently about socialized norms than we ever have. So many of us shut ourselves off to possibility because we hear the voices of other people and the beliefs we've been sold by society in our heads
The voices that say:
– you don't have the time
– only other people can have that
– you don' have the money
– what will other people say about you
– who do you think you are
– you don't know how to do it
– you should be happy with what you have
– you're being greedy if you want more than what you have
– you're a bad person if you do that
These voices pop up whether you're deciding to do something like leave the law, do something radical in your current legal practice or consider making a change like leaving your spouse.
All of these voices are also your brains way of creating fear, so you don't lose your perceived safety, love and easy life.
It's up to us to overcome these voices and do the scary things that make us feel alive.
When I knew it was time to leave my position at the DA's Office and coach full time, it wasn't a snap decision.
I had to learn to overcome these voices in my head, and they took years to overcome.
I also had to learn to stop working from circumstance.
Every time my brain told me I couldn't afford training to help me be a better coach, I had to have a conversation with it and let it know I wasn't working from circumstance. I would find the money whether that meant borrowing it, making a new client, selling something or forgoing something else I wanted.
We can't change our circumstances until we stop working from our circumstances.
I can't repeat that enough.
Every time my brain told me that I didn't have time, I had to take a hard look at what I was prioritizing in my life and decide to cut things out and say no to things and change my sleep patterns.
When we're open to possibility, these kinds of choices become easier to make.
When you have a focus point, you begin to see where the current choices you're making are out of alignment with what you want.
Ask yourself: what do you want?
Then ask yourself: what beliefs are you willing to give up to make it happen?
Are you willing to do the uncomfortable work to make your dreams come true?
I think you are. Otherwise you wouldn't be listening to this podcast.
If we're not actively choosing to go after what we want we are deciding to stay stagnant.
If you're ready to go after what you want, I'd love to help you.
Book a call with me at dinacataldo.com
When we talk, we'll explore where you want to open yourself up to possibility and create a plan to make it happen for you.
This is your life. You get to decide how you want to live it.
Alright, my friend. I can't wait to share more of my adventures with you. I hope you have a lovely rest of your day. And I'll talk to you soon.